


Mediator: Dangerous Heart

by Larkamarie121 (Ladyayla121)



Category: Mediator Series - Meg Cabot
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-01-17 15:39:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12368844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyayla121/pseuds/Larkamarie121
Summary: It's been four years since Susannah and Jesse married. He is now a beloved doctor and top surgeon for cardio. Susannah learns she is pregnant and is beyond excited to tell Jesse but it all falls away when she catches him with another woman. He insists on a break and leaves Suze beyond heartbroken not even knowing she is pregnant.Alone and pregnant Suze must decide many things in her future including how to get rid of an old homicidal ghost from her past, one set to destroy her. She tries to enlist Jesse's help but he doesn't even talk to her leaving her on her own, since Dominic is no longer around to help.





	1. Betrayed My Love

It all started in the bathroom on a Monday morning. I woke up and ran to the toilet. I had just made it before my stomach spewed its guts up. It went on for nearly twenty minutes before I was able to pull myself away.  
  
I called into work a few moments later as I sat upon the giant king sized bed I shared with my husband and former ghost and told them I had the flu. I work at the high school I used to attend during my years as a teenager. I got hired four years ago as a guidance counselor. The job was everything I had hoped for, loved helping troubled teens that had traumatic pasts or depression to my surprise. Not to mention helping them map their way through high school so they could get into the colleges that would launch them into their career fields they dreamed of.  
  
So a few things about me. I can see, hear, speak, and touch ghosts or NCDP’s as I liked to call them. I have been able to see them since I was an infant. I am a Mediator, a person who helps those with unfinished business to find out what it is and get them onto their next life whether it be heaven, hell, or whatever. My name is Susannah De Silvia, formerly known as Simon, though I prefer to be called Suze by everyone aside from my husband and my mother.  
  
Yes, my husband was once a ghost and had spent one hundred and fifty years as one. We met when I was sixteen and had moved to Carmel California after my mother had remarried. We moved across the country from New York to California where her new husband at the time and his three sons were settled. Since I was the only child of my mother’s and Andy had a business out there we moved there.  
  
I will never forget the first time I had met Jesse De Silvia, my husband and current doctor. My mother and stepfather were showing me my new room when I looked over at the loveseat he had made for me and saw him.  
  
  
  
  


 

_ My mother went away, and I shut the door quietly behind her. I waited until I couldn’t hear her heels on the stairs anymore, and then I turned around. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “All right,” I said to him on the window seat. “Who the hell are you?” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ To say the guy looked surprised to be addressed in this manner would have been a massive understatement. He didn’t just look surprised. He actually looked over his shoulder, to see if it was really him I was talking to. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ But of course, the only thing behind him was the window, and through it, that incredible view of Carmel Bay. So then he turned back to look at me, and must have seen that my gaze was fastened directly on his face, since he breathed, “Nombre de Dios,” in a manner that would have had Gina, who has a thing for Latino guys, swooning. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “It’s no use calling on your higher power,” I informed him, as I swung the pink tassled chair to my new dressing table around, and straddled it. “In case you haven’t noticed, He isn’t paying a whole lot of attention to you. Otherwise, He wouldn’t have left you here to fester—“ I took in his outfit, which looked a lot like something they’d have worn on The Wild, Wild West. “What is it, a hundred and fifty years? Has it really been that long since you croaked?” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ He stared at me with eyes that were as black and liquid as ink. “What is… croaked?” he asked in a voice that sounded rusty from misuse. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I rolled my eyes. “Kicked the bucket,” I translated. “Checked out. Popped off. Bit the dust.” When I saw his perplexed expression that he still didn’t understand, I said, with some exasperation, “Died.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Oh,” he said. “Died.” But instead of answering my question, he shook his head. “I don’t understand,” he said, in tones of wonder. “I don’t understand how it is that you can see me. All these years, no one has ever—“ _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Yeah,” I said, cutting him off. I hear this kind of thing a lot, you understand. “Well, listen, the times, you know, they are a-changin’. So what’s your glitch.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ He blinked at me with those big dark eyes. His eyelashes were longer than mine. It isn’t often I run into a ghost who also happens to be a hottie, but this guy… boy, he must have been something back when he was alive because here he was dead and I was already trying to get a peak at what was going on beneath the white shirt he was wearing very open at the throat, exposing quite a bit of his chest, and some of his stomach too. Do ghosts have six-packs? This was not something I had ever had occasion—or a desire—to explore before. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Not that I was about to let myself get distracted by that now. I’m a professional, after all. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Glitch?” he echoed. Even his voice was liquid, his English as flat and unaccented as I fancied my own was, slight Brooklyn blurring of my t’s aside. He clearly had some Spaniard in him, as his Dios and his coloring indicated, but he was as American as I was—or as American as someone who was born before California became a state could be. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Yeah.” I cleared my throat. He had turned a little and put a boot up onto the pale blue cushion that covered the window seat, and I had seen definitive proof that yes, ghosts could indeed have six-packs. His abdominal muscles were deeply ridged, and covered with a light dusting of silky black hair. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I swallowed. Hard. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Glitch,” I said. “Problem. Why are you still here?” He looked at me, his expression blank, but interested. I elaborated. “Why haven’t you gone to the other side?” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ He shook his head. Have I mentioned that his hair was short and dark and sort of crisp-looking, like if you touched it, it would be really, really thick? “I don’t know what you mean?” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I was sort of getting warm, but I had already taken off my leather jacket, so I didn’t know what to do about it. I couldn’t very well take off everything else with him sitting there watching me. This realization might have contributed to my suddenly very foul mood. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “What do you mean, you don’t know what I mean?” I snapped, pushing some hair away from my eyes. “You’re dead. You don’t belong here. You’re supposed to be off doing whatever it is that happens to people after they’re dead. Rejoicing in heaven, or burning in hell, or being reincarnated, or ascending to another plane of consciousness, or whatever. You’re not supposed to be just… well, just hanging around.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ He looked at me thoughtfully, balancing his elbow on his uplifted knee, his arm sort of dangling. “What if I happen to like just hanging around?” he wanted to know. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I wasn’t sure, but I had a feeling he was making fun of me. And I don’t like being made fun of. I really don’t. People back in Brooklyn used to do it all the time—well, until I learned how effectively a fist connecting with their nose could shut them up. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I wasn’t ready to hit this guy—not yet. But I was close. I mean, I’d just traveled a gazillion miles for what seemed like days in order to live with a bunch of stupid boys; I still had to unpack; I had already practically made my mother cry; and then I find a ghost in my bedroom. Can you really blame me for being… well, short with him? _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Look,” I said, standing up fast, and swinging my leg around the back of the chair. You can do all the hanging around you want, amigo. Slack away. I don’t really care. But you can’t do it here.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Jesse,” he said, not moving. _ _   
  
_

_ “What?” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “You called me amigo. I thought you might like to know I have a name. It’s Jesse.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I nodded. “Right. That figures. Well, fine. Jesse, then. You can’t stay here, Jesse.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “And you?” Jesse was smiling at me now. He had a nice face. A good face. The kind of face that, back in my old high school, would’ve gotten him elected prom king in no time flat. The kind of face Gina would have cut out of a magazine and taped to her bedroom wall. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Not that he was pretty. Not at all. Dangerous was how he looked. Mighty dangerous. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “And me what?” I knew I was being rude. I didn’t care. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “What is your name?” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I glared at him. “Look. Just tell me what you want, and get out. I’m hot, and I want to change clothes. I don’t have time for—“ _ _   
_ _   
_ _ He interrupted, as amiably as if he hadn’t hear me talking at all, “That woman—your mother—called you Susie.” His black eyes were bright on me. “Short for Susan?” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Susannah,” I said, correcting him automatically. “As in, ‘Don’t you cry for me.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ He smiled. “I know the song.” _ _   
  
_

_“Yeah. It was probably in the top forty the year you were born, huh?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _He just kept on smiling. “So this is your room now, is it, Susannah?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Yeah,” I said. “Yeah, this is my room. So you’re going to have to clear out.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“I’m going to have to clear out?” He raised one black eyebrow. “This has been my home for a century and a half. Why do I have to leave it?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Because.” I was getting really mad. Mostly because I was so hot, and I wanted to open the window, but the windows were behind him, and I didn’t want to get that close to him. “This is my room. I’m not sharing it with some dead cowboy.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _That got him. He slammed his foot back down on the floor—hard—and stood up. I instantly wished I hadn’t said anything. He was tall, way taller than me, and in my ankle boots I’m five eight._ _  
_ _  
_ _“I am not a cowboy,” he informed me angrily. He added something in Spanish in an undertone, but since I had always taken French, I had no idea what he was saying. At the same time, the antique mirror hanging over my new dressing table started to wobble dangerously on the hook that held it to the wall. This was not due, I knew, to a California earthquake, but to the agitation of the ghost in front of me, whose psychic abilities were obviously of a kinetic bent._ _  
_ _  
_ _That’s the thing about ghosts. They’re so touchy! The slightest thing can set them off._ _  
_ _  
_ _“Whoa,” I said, holding up both my hands, palms outward. “Down boy, down.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“My family,” Jesse raged, wagging a finger in my face, “worked like slaves to make something of themselves in this country, but never, never as a vaquero—“_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Hey, I said. And that’s when I made my big mistake. I reached out, not liking the finger he was jabbing at me, and grabbed it, hard, yanking on his hand and pulling him towards me so I could be sure he heard me as I hissed, “Stop with the mirror already. And stop shoving your finger in my face. Do it again, and I will break it.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _I flung his hand away, and saw, with satisfaction, that the mirror had stopped shaking. But then I happened to glance at his face._ _  
_ _  
_ _Ghosts don’t have blood. How can they? They aren’t alive. But I swear, at that moment, all the color drained from Jesse’s face, as if every ounce of blood that had been there had evaporated just at that moment._ _  
_ _  
_ _Not being alive, and not possessing blood, it follows that ghosts aren’t made of matter, either. So it didn’t make sense that I have been able to grab his finger. My hand should’ve passed right through him. Right?_ _  
_ _  
_ _Wrong. That’s how it works for most people. But not for people like me. Not for the mediators. We can see ghosts, we can talk to ghosts, and, if necessary, we can kick a ghost’s butt._ _  
_ _  
_ _Jesse, looked down at his finger as if I’d burned a hole through it, seemed perfectly incapable of saying anything. It was probably the first time he’d been able to by touched by anyone in a century and a half. That kind of thing can blow a guy’s mind. Especially a dead guy._ _  
_ _  
_ _I took advantage of his astonishment, and said, in my sternest, most no-nonsense tone. “Now, look, Jesse. This is my room, understand? You can’t stay here. You’ve either got to let me help you get to where you’re supposed to go, or you’re going to have to find some other house to haunt. I’m sorry, but that’s the way it is.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _Jesse looked up from his finger, his expression still one of utter disbelief. “Who are you?” he asked softly. “What kind of… girl are you?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _He hesitated so long before he said the word girl that it was clear he wasn’t at all certain it was appropriate in my case. This kind of bugged me. I mean, I may not have been the most popular girl in school, but no one ever denied I was an actual girl. Truck drivers honk at me at crosswalks now and then, and not because they want me to get out of the way. Construction workers sometimes holler rude things at me, especially when I wear my leather miniskirt. I am not unattractive or mannish in any way. Sure, I’d threatened to break his finger off, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t a girl, for god’s sake!_ _  
_ _  
_ _And that’s how our relationship began. Me not happy to have a roommate of the male and ghostly variety, and he confounded by me and my being able to see, speak, and touch him._ _  
_  
  
  
  


 

We went through quite a lot with him as a ghost and me being alive. I fell for him hard, tried desperately to hide it, what with him being dead and all, and trying to keep him at a distance. It wasn’t until my stepfather started digging in the backyard one summer, wanting to add a hot tub and a deck that Jesse’s past came up, with the discovery of his skeleton, and the ghosts trying to kill us, mainly me. He had gotten exorcised at the influence of his ex-fiancé and her husband that murdered him by a young mediator who was just starting to learn how to use his gift.  
  
  
  
I, desperate to save him, exorcised myself with the help of my principle and fellow mediator Father Dominic. He helped me bring back Jesse and send his murderers to where they would never hurt us again. It was then that our feelings were revealed to one another. It would take a little bit longer but eventually we succumbed to our feelings. This resulted in me going back in time to kill him, but couldn’t and somehow ended up bringing back his body to the present. This in turn allowed Jesse to live a new life, one he was currently living with me as a well respected husband and doctor.  
  
  
  
As I thought about all of our past, I smiled tenderly. But then I noticed something strange. I was holding my stomach protectively like I had something to protect. Which was silly since I wasn’t pregnant. We hadnt had sex in a month or so since he’d been working on call so much lately. I gasped. Or was I?  
  
  
  
Eyes wide, I was up and changing into a new set of clothes, out the door in a matter of minutes. I peeled out of the driveway and sped down until I could get to the closest Walmart. There were plenty of those nowadays and even in Caramel, California they were all huge. A relief since I really didn’t want anybody to recognize me at the moment. I pulled up my hood of my sweatshirt and walked in with purpose until I got to the feminine products isle where the pregnancy tests were located.  
  
  
  
Panicking at the many varieties, wondering which one to choose I stood there for about twenty minutes before settling on two of the highest reviewed brands. I quickly made my purchase and hightailed it to my apartment where I used to live before marrying Jesse. I don’t know why I initially kept it but it had become a nice source of income when I rented it out. I owned it thanks to the little sum of money my father had left me. It was in between residents at the moment, which is why I decided to take the tests there. I didn’t want Jesse to walk in on me while doing this. He has been acting strange around me lately. He is never home and when he is he is extremely distant.  
  
  
  
I opened the first brand and peed on the stick. I had been purposefully drinking a few bottles of water so that I would have to use the bathroom when I got here. After peeing on it I set it on the counter, washed my hands, and then waited the last four minutes for it to be ready. I picked it up off the counter and stared at it in shock.  
  
  
  
Two lines. Pregnant.  
  
  
  
My heart thundered in my ears and banged against my chest. I knew some tests weren’t accurate and so I again drank several bottles of water and a few hours later I took the second test, a different brand.  
  
  
  
Pregnant.  
  
  
  
To say I was shocked was an understatement but still a part of me didn’t fully believe and so I left the apartment with test one resting safely in my purse and drove to the nearest pregnancy clinic. I waited for an hour and a half with a room full of mostly expectant mothers and some who were like me waiting to confirm if we were in fact pregnant.  
  
  
  
“Simon, Susannah!” The nurse called. I don’t know why I used my maiden name but I did.  
  
  
  
I rose from my seat in the corner and walked into the back where all the rooms to see patients were. She led me to room number four and chatted at me, asking routine questions before telling me the doctor would be in shortly and leaving me alone to my thoughts.  
  
  
  
A knock sounded five minutes later and in came a brown-haired woman with piercing blue eyes. “Hi, Susannah. I’m Dr. Robbins. How do you do?” She greeted as she held out her hand. I shook it for a second before she went on. “Says here that you took a home pregnancy test and it came out positive. Are you here to confirm you’re pregnant?”  
  
  
  
I nodded my head, my throat dry and not able to bring myself to say yes. I don’t know why but I think I was still in disbelief.  
  
  
  
“Alright then. Would you like to do a blood test or another urine test to confirm this?” She asked.  
  
  
  
“Which one is the most accurate?” I asked.  
  
  
  
“The blood test one is but it takes several hours to a few days to get the results back.” She explained. “Do you have to use the bathroom now?”  
  
  
  
“I do and will go for the urine test.” Dr. Robbins smiled and handed me a cup to pee in. “After that we will do a sonogram to double confirm and see if everything is fine and for you to see what will become your baby.”  
  
  
  
I nodded and quickly left the room to go do my business two doors down where the bathroom was located. I returned promptly and she inserted one stick into the cup. While we were waiting she had me remove my pants and panties and lay down on the chair-like bed, putting my feet in the stirrups. As she was setting up the test in my urine was done half of the stick now blue. She smiled at me. “Seems you are indeed pregnant. Lets see how far you’re along.” She put a condom on the wand looking object and then squirted some lube upon it. Once ready she prepped me on what she was doing and then gently inserted the wand into my vaginal opening pushing ever so slightly until she was where she needed to be.  
  
  
  
Looking at the screen. All I can see is the visual equivalent of white noise— although it’s more sepia in color. Slowly, Dr. Robbins moves the probe about, a very odd sensation.  
  
  
  
“There,” she murmurs. She presses a button, freezing the picture on the screen, and points to a tiny bean shape in the sepia storm. It’s so tiny, a little blip in my belly. Wow. I forget about my anxiety as I stare dumbfounded at it. “It’s too early to see the heartbeat, but yes you are definitely pregnant. Four or five weeks, I would say.”  
  
  
  
I am too much in awe to say anything. The little bean is a baby. A real honest to goodness baby. Jesse’s baby. My baby.  
  
  
  
“Would you like me to print a picture out for you?”  
  
  
  
I nod, still unable to speak and tears of joy began to pool in my eyes. Dr. Robbins presses another button, then gently removes the wand and hands me a paper towel to clean myself. “Congratulations, Miss Simon. We will need to make another appointment in about four weeks time. Then we can ascertain the exact age of your baby and set a likely due date. Go ahead and get redressed and meet out there to get your prescription for prenatal vitamins.”  
  
  
  
“Um… okay. Also my last name isn’t completely accurate. It’s De Silvia.” I told her.  
  
  
  
“Are you Jesse De Silvia’s wife?” I nodded.  
  
  
  
“Didn’t want him to find out?”  
  
  
  
“Not yet. I want to surprise him which is why I gave my maiden name.”  
  
  
  
“Of course.” She smiled. “When you do see him tell him I say hello. We sometimes work together at the hospital when I have little infants he has to operate on with me.”  
  
  
  
“Oh.” I laughed nervously. “Thanks. Please keep this a secret. I want to tell him and don’t really want everyone he works with to know yet.”  
  
  
  
“I agree. You don’t have to worry about me. I am your doctor and I take my oath of doctor patient confidentiality seriously.” She nodded and then handed me the prescription.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I left the pregnancy center and drove to the nearest pharmacy and filled my prescription. After that, I went back to my apartment and just sat on the ugly couch and processed everything. I was going to be a mother and Jesse a father. I couldn’t wait to tell him. I would tell him tonight at dinner.  
  
  
  
With that in mind I left the apartment and drove home. I prepared his favorite and set the test on his plate, cap closed of course. I also placed the sonogram by his wine cup and then waited in the living room for him to come home. He should be due in twenty minutes.  
  
  
  
I had changed into my favorite dress, a blue low-cut cocktail dress that always had his eyes darkening with lust. I made my hair look amazing throwing it mostly to one side of my head with light waves. My hair was just past my boobs something Jesse seemed to like. I also wore my favorite rose scented perfume and the matching earrings and necklace that went perfectly with my sapphire marriage rings. My heals matched with the whole ensemble.  
  
  
  
As I was waiting I got a text from him and it was odd.  
  
  
  
**_From: Sexy Husband_** ** _  
_** ** _  
_** ** _Can’t come home tonight. I am having a real rough night with surgeries back to back._** ** _  
_** ** _  
_** ** _Will see you tomorrow, Suze._** ** _  
_**  
  
  
This didn’t surprise me much, this had been happening a lot over the last several weeks. What was odd to me though was the use of my name. He never called me Suze, always referring to me as Querida or by my full name. Must be bad, I thought. I felt slightly disappointed because my surprise would now have to wait but then my eyes sparked and I finished making making dinner. Once done I packed it up and left out home, going to bring it to him.   
  
It was a half hour drive to the hospital from our house but always worth it. I was just walking in to the hospital when I saw Jesse not dressed in any of his hospital attire, but instead in a fancy suit. I frowned in confusion for a moment before that became forgotten by the blonde-haired model type woman holding his hand, the hand that wasn’t wearing his wedding ring like it was supposed to.  
  
  
  
My heart was thundering in my chest but then came to a complete stop as, to my horror, I saw him cup her chin in his hand and place a hot kiss on her lips. Everything in me shattered in a single moment. How could he? I thought he loved me?  
  
He saw me a second later and jolted. His face showed annoyance than anger followed by an expression of oops! I’ve been caught. This ignited my anger, pushing my devastated heart to the back.  
  
“What the fuck is this?” I yelled. Everyone of his fellow doctors, the nurses, and even some of the patients turned to stare at us.  
  
“Susannah, not here.” He growled out before he turned to his bimbo. Yes, to me that is what she is. A slutty bimbo that just ruined everything. “I am going to have to cancel tonight. I will talk to you tomorrow.”  
  
Disgusted, I scoffed, shook my head, and walked out of the hospital throwing his dinner in the trash can as I passed it. I didn’t want to be near him. I, not even thinking of myself or of the now forgotten child in my womb, ran to my car, getting into it, starting it, and then screeched the car in reverse not even listening to him yelling for me to be careful as I quickly changed gears and screeched myself out of the parking lot, driving recklessly in the BMW I got for my birthday a year ago from my stepbrother Jake. I sped recklessly up the mountain highways to our house. How I got there in one piece, I’ll never know but thirty minutes later I was home.  
  
Jesse arrived as I was unlocking the door. “Susannah, what the hell do you think you are doing? You could’ve gotten yourself killed!” He roared.  
  
“What the hell do you care?” I spouted back as I walked into the living room. “You clearly don’t give a rats ass about me?”  
  


“I’m sorry. But you weren’t supposed to be there. Why did you come to the hospital in the first place?” He demanded.  
  
“I wanted to be a loving supportive wife bringing her husband his favorite meal to bring up his day!” I screamed at him. “What the hell, Jesse? What did I do wrong?”  
  
  
“Nothing. It just happened. I was planning to tell you. I just didn’t know how.” He said. “I want us to take a break. I want to see other people for a little while. I have only ever been with you since coming back to life and found myself intrigued by her. She is an intelligent woman and I found myself attracted to her and I tried to resist but then we kissed and I couldn’t undo it.”  
  
  
  
“Take a break.” My anger crumbled around me, bringing up how much he just hurt me. First with seeing my knight in shining armor, the man I had risked my life for many times, who said he loved me as fiercely as I loved him, a love that would last forever, kissing another woman and now saying he wanted a break. As if a break was all he needed. “How long?” I asked not even sure why I was asking. Clearly it wouldn’t just be a break. This was how divorces started, not to mention me catching him with another woman. How would I ever come back from seeing that, ever trusting him again? What kind of father would he be? Father! Fuck! The pregnancy test and photo were still sitting on the plate in the dining room.  
  
“I don’t know, Susannah. Just give me time. I will move out in the meantime, go live with Jake for a while. I don’t think we should be near each other at all.” He said but I barely heard it. Everything in me was numb at the realization that I was most likely going to be a single mother.  
  
A sob shuddered up my chest and gasped out of me. His expression changed to one of horror and regret for hurting me. He reached out to comfort me but he was the cause and I stepped away. How could he possibly think he could comfort me?  
  
“Just go.” I said, pointing to the front door.  
  
“Susannah, please don’t look like that.”  
  
“Like what? Heartbroken, betrayed, devastated?” He blanched at those words and then unable to stand it, went up to the bedroom to gather some of his things. He came down a few moments later and was out the door, not even seeing the setup of what should’ve been a lovely, joyful dinner. All of it ruined.  
  
I sank to the floor and gave in to my heartache, crying out all of the pain this one man, the man I loved, love with everything in me shattered me to pieces.


	2. Perils of Being a Mediator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suze is still heartbroken and is having a hard time controlling her emotions over it. Being pregnant is hard with all these blending emotions. As she is trying to decide what to do she encounters a few people from the past putting her life in peril, causing her to be beyond afraid for the second time in her life. Oh, she's felt fear but not like this. 
> 
> Jesse still insists on space but her being injured causes him to give her needed medical attention and insisting he stay by her side to make sure she recovers. Sure can't stand being near him, still heartbroken over his betrayal and causing him to completely lose her trust in him and their bond as Mediators and him being a former ghost.
> 
> How will this all play out?

I don’t know when I fell asleep, but I woke up to the sun shining down on my face. I was still laying on the floor in the living room. I sat up but that wasn’t a good plan since my stomach decided to roll, making me run for the bathroom.

 

I puked again most likely from morning sickness but I wasn’t sure to be honest. I was still upset about last night. I sat there my back to the tub, my breath smelling horrible, my heartbroken, and a tiny bean protected in my womb.

 

I rested my hand on my belly, a light caress. I was already protective of it and beyond afraid of the future. But I pushed that fear down, never one to show my weakness and somehow pulled myself together. I showered, dressed in work attire, and then called out of work once again. I had things to do and needed time to fully get my composure back.

 

I decided not to stay in the house either but unfortunately I had to take Spike with me since Jesse left him. So I packed up a couple suitcases, put spike in his cat carrier, packed his food, and litter box (we use disposable ones), and left my childhood and current house that served as the place where I met Jesse. I didn’t have my rat anymore, him having passed away in February.

 

A sob escaped me but luckily nobody was out to see me there, everyone at work or still sleeping. With a deep breath I stopped myself from having another crying fest and pulled out of the driveway, leaving what used to be a happy home behind.

 

 

 

I arrived at my apartment; now thankful I had kept it. I dragged everything out of the car and into what was my home for now. I let Spike out immediately and set his food down in the kitchen, his litter box in the bathroom before unpacking everything else.

 

I wondered if I should take Spike to Jake’s and hand him over knowing Jake would make sure Jesse knew I had brought him without breaking his needing space proclamation. Man, was this going to be awkward. Jesse and I needed to talk about when he needed to not be home so that when my stepbrother and best friend Gina invited me over I could go without encountering him.

 

I decided I would just give an excuse every time though and put it out of my mind. As I was finishing my unpacking my phone rang. It was Jake. I didn’t want to answer but I did.

 

“Hello.” I greeted sullenly, knowing Jake was going to ask about Jesse moving back in.

 

“Suze, what’s going on? Why is Jesse moving back in? Not that I don’t mind having him here but he should be at home with you.” Jake didn’t even say hello back. Jake was an interesting stepbrother, one I used to call Sleepy during when we were teenagers on the account that he was always sleeping. I always thought he had a drug problem to which my mother refused completely. But she really couldn’t dispute that now, none of us really knowing if he was doing drugs or not, since he owns his own legit marijuana growing business complete with security and a boatload of guns in his home. He was exceedingly successful and his house showed it.

 

“Did Jesse tell you anything?” I asked.

 

“No.”

 

Sighing, I lightly explained about our fight and him wanting a break out of the blue, not telling him about the blonde bimbo I caught him with. That was for Jesse to tell. I don’t even know what Jake’s response would be.

 

“Well that sucks, Suze. I hope you guys work it out. I thought you two were the kind of love that was forever.” He said.

 

“Me too.” I agreed sadly. “Well, I have to get back to work. I will talk to you some other time.” I lied and hung up. I wasn’t at work of course. I was going into hiding or that’s what it felt like. I didn’t want to talk to anyone right now, especially Jake, Gina, CeeCee, David, or my mother. Who I wanted to talk to had passed away a year and a half ago, Father Dominic. He had passed away peacefully in his sleep and leaving me on my own. Before he had crossed over he came to me that night and said goodbye. Jesse had been at work and had missed it. I had never told him about it, it being too personal.

 

_Susannah, I am so proud of the woman you have become. You are like my own daughter and I am glad to have been able to help you.” Father Dom had said after I had woken up enough to be coherent. I had tears in my, I remembered. “Know that there will be some more tough times ahead. But don’t fear too much for it will all turn out in the end.”_

_And with that he had faded out until he was completely gone from my life._

 

“Oh, Father Dom, what do I do now?” I wondered aloud, the misery clear in my ears. I needed to get out.

 

I picked up my purse and keys and left the apartment. I was on the road a few moments later with the music, heavy rock blasting, as I drove to who knew where. I didn’t care so long as I was not there. I found myself at the beach several hours later. It was a more private one, the one in which CeeCee, Adam, and I had often gone when we wanted to watch the sunset. I did so now, placing a beach blanket on the sandy beach, the one I always kept in my car for such spontaneous visiting. I looked out and watched the beauty before me. Waves light matching the cool breeze, water sparkling, and the sun big and orange slowly going down. Though it was a beautiful setting, one I often enjoyed I felt indifferent to it at the moment since my emotions were all over the place. I was sad, angry, hurt, and even part of me was excited. I was excited for the life growing within me but it was diminished by not having Jesse share in my joy.

 

I needed to tell him but if he wanted space how was I going to do so? A break he said. How long would that last? And when he was done with said break, would I even want him back? I loved him something fierce, I could still feel that deep within me, that absolute certainty about him being the only man for me. But how would I be able to trust him now? He had betrayed me and treated me like the men of this age often did to women.

 

I sat there thinking about all of this for a while, finally deciding on telling him of the pregnancy but still going to give him his space. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and clicked his name in my contacts, calling him. It rang once, twice, and two more times before his answering machine picked up.

 

“This is Dr. De Silvia, I can’t come to the phone right now. Please leave your name and number and I will call you back.” His message said before giving me the beep to speak.

 

“Hey Jesse, It’s Suze. I know you need space and this break. A break that probably is going to be a divorce but not what I’m wanting to say. Anyways, before I give it to you we need to meet up. I have something to tell you, something I had planned to tell you last night—“ BEEEP. The machine cut me off and I was so nervous I didn’t call back instead texting him.

 

To: Jesse

From: Suze

 

We need to meet up.

I need to tell you something.

Suze

 

After typing the message I realize I’m shaking and I’m not sure if it’s because it is now night and chilly or because of the anxiety and despair at seeing him again to tell him. All that hurt will come up, I won’t be able to help it. I am a hormonal mess right now and all of this hitting me at once is affecting my stress levels.

 

I rise from my beach blanket, collect it, and head back to my car. Again I am back to driving, this time to a restaurant. The smells are mouthwatering and I grimace at myself for not having eaten on day. Some mother I am, I thought, can’t even take care of myself on day one of actually knowing there’s a being growing inside me. Depressed but still starving, I pulled into the parking lot. It’s busy, it being a Friday night. I go in to the establishment and up to the bar to place my order, wanting it to go. The man nods and walks away saying it would be ready in about fifteen to twenty minutes.

 

Sighing, I sit upon the barstool and wait. I look around the room, observing the crowd. Couples enjoying a date together, families their with kids celebrating a birthday or anniversary.

 

“Would you like a drink, pretty lady?” The bar tender asks scaring me a moment. I turn to him and see him smiling. He likes what he sees of me. I, with my long brown highlighted with blonde hair and good figure. I am quite attractive, good-sized breasts, a grip able bottom, and a pleasing face.

 

“Just a water thanks. I’m don’t drink.” I said.

 

“Recovering alcoholic?” He asked.

 

“No. Just don’t care to anymore.” He nodded his head, noticing how I wasn’t really interested in flirting with him. He brought me my water, which I sipped as I continued looking around the room.

 

The waiter brought my food out several minutes later. Grabbing it, I made my way to the door and to my horror bumped right into Jesse and his whore. Our gaze met each other’s and I gulped a moment as my heart clenched in pain at seeing, not only him, but her as well.

 

Taking a deep breath, I looked down, squaring my shoulders; a move Jesse recognized from my many times of ghost fighting. Except normally I keep my eyes on the ghost.

 

When I was ready, I looked back up at him. “Check your messages if you haven’t already, call me. Have a good evening.” I said and then pushed past him slightly since he didn’t move. Hey, I was being polite but he was also blocking the doorway. I may have not even spared blonde bimbo a glance but that was more for her safety than from me being slightly rude. If I had looked at her, I am pretty sure I would pommel her quite a bit and that wasn’t good for me. Or Jesse.

 

I walked out and headed to my car, not even looking back. I was barely holding it together. I wanted to cry, rage, crumble to the ground, slap him, and kill her. Me being a passionate woman already was hard enough but add in the extra hormones from being pregnant and I was all over the place.

 

“Susannah.” I heard his silky lightly deep voice call from behind. I took a deep breath, trying to reign in my emotions, and then turned toward him after placing my food in my car. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

 

“Not here Jesse. Not with her here. It has to be us alone. It can be in a public setting but just us.” I told him as I lowered myself into my car.

 

“That’s not gonna happen right now, Suze. I told you I need my space. Please respect that.” Jesse said, his eyes trying to figure out from my expression and body language.

 

I was sealed up tight, pushing everything behind a cold mask the moment he spoke the ‘it’s not happening’ part. A calm washed over me in fact as a decision that I hadn’t wanted to make settled into me crystal clear. “Fine,” I said with finality. “But since you didn’t meet, don’t get mad at me in the future. Know that I tried to tell you and from this point on you have no say, especially if we divorce.”

 

With that I slammed my car door shut and getting a small sliver of grim satisfaction at the confusion and shock on his face for the cold way I just treated him. I hadn’t been that cold since our first year of me moving to Carmel, California. I switched my car on and backed out slowly, this time fully aware that I needed to protect myself and in do so protect my baby. I gave him one last glare since he maneuvered himself on the side of my vehicle again, attempting to open the door to demand I tell him what I was talking about, but I glared at him. A glare that had him stopping instantly. Another look he recognized, this one being that I would come out and show him the side of me I only reserved for violent ghosts who attacked me.

 

I drove off then and made my way home. I wasn’t really hungry anymore but still brought the food in and ate it knowing I had a little bean that needed nutrients so it could grow into a healthy fetus.

 

With a start, I remembered I never cleaned up dinner at the house last night, which meant my sonogram and test were still on the table. Once again, I grabbed my keys and purse making my way to my car. Driving up the mountain I made my way to the house. It took about forty minutes driving safely but still fast since there was no traffic.

 

Once in the house I cleaned up the wasted, and now horrible smelling dinner from the night before. I picked up the plates, rewashed them, and loaded them into the dishwasher. Once that was taken care of I took out the kitchen trash before coming back inside. I stared at the test and the sonogram, wondering what to do with them. Decided eventually on keeping the picture but made my way to our bedroom and threw the test on the bed, or tried to. It slid off on his side, hitting the ground. I didn’t care and just left it there.

 

Sighing, I looked around our room remembering how it used to be decorated when I first came to live here. Not me at all. My mother had gone for an all princess styled theme. The only things I had liked was my bed, the loveseat with ocean window view, and my private bathroom. Now it was decorated to match both of our personalities and it showed. There were pictures of us all over from our honeymoon and wedding. I looked at them sadly and cried a little for the love that was now lost.

 

I hated myself for crying and being sad like this but I couldn’t seem to help it. I was also angry that I couldn’t just reign it in and keep it buried like I used to. I used to be able to channel it into anger and though I still could, it had to be in the moment when confronting Jesse like I had earlier. But with my new hormones I just couldn’t.

 

After I got my tears back under control I left our room and made my way downstairs. I wiped my eyes with the palm of my hand and grabbed my purse preparing to leave to go to my apartment.

 

“Hello Susannah.” My blood drained from my body and fear encased me as a voice deep and husky, with an accent from a long time ago said from the living room. I turned and to my utter horror stood Felix Diego and his bitch wife, Maria De Silvia. These were the very same people who had, in fact, murdered Jesse one hundred and sixty years ago or so. Ten years ago these two had nearly murdered me when my stepfather and my stepbrother Andy and Brad had been working in the backyard to put in a hot tub. This had brought them out of their graves and peaceful afterlife and wreaked havoc in Jesse’s life and mine. We had found Jesse’s remains, which they hadn’t wanted, not wanting to be remembered as the backstabbing murderers they were.

 

At the time I had been working at a hotel for the summer watching one of the rich couples youngest son who happened to be a Mediator like myself. This got Maria to get Jesse exercised and caused me to go and save him, exercising myself to do it. Hey, I was in love with him and couldn’t bare to lose him. He hadn’t wanted to crossover any more than I did. This is also how I met Paul Slater, the older brother to the kid I had been watching all summer. Paul is and always has been a guy who tried to do anything to get what he wanted, including me. He lost though.

 

But he wasn’t why I was afraid right now; no I was afraid because of these two standing in my living room in ghost form. I know for a fact I had exercised them from the same ritual Father Dom had performed on me so I could go get Jesse back. So how they got back was not a good thing.

 

“How?” I squeaked.

 

“Oh we made a deal with some people and they gave us a way out. Now tell me where Hector is so that we may kill you both quickly.” Felix’s eyes gleamed with malicious intent. He was only too happy to kill us. Only problem was Jesse wasn’t here.

 

“He doesn’t live here anymore. We broke up.” I kind of lied in a strangely calm voice. It was a huge accomplishment since I was beyond frightened for my life. “I don’t know where he is. Haven’t seen him in a two months.” I was trying to buy myself time. I had to get to Jakes and talk to Jesse now.

 

“I highly doubt that. You two were so in love with each other you couldn’t even see it.” Maria laughed, her voice husky but also slightly high pitched. “Not going to ask you again, whore! Where is he?”

 

I, not wanting to stay there another minute, ran for the front door with, thankfully, my keys and purse already in hand. But suddenly the home phone cord roped around my neck and choked off my air supply, dragging me across the room. I dropped my keys and purse, my fingers going instinctively to the cord to try to give myself air to stay alive. I knocked over the lamp on the side table as I was dragged backwards until I was flipped onto the ground. The cord was still choking off my air supply but now a pair of ghostly hands encasing my ankles was also dragging me.

 

I looked behind me and saw I was being dragged towards the backyard. I knew what that meant. They were going to kill me and bury me in the same grave we found Jesse’s skeleton and nobody would know. I choked trying to screech and let one of my hands leave my throat, my fingers clawing at the wooden floor nails scraping across it until they were ripped off my fingers, making me bleed all over it as I still tried to break free of the supernatural hold that was upon me.

 

They laughed cruelly behind me, clearly enjoying my pain and suffering, and whatever high they got from murdering people. They were the complete psycho killers we all fear about. CeeCee had actually uncovered other murders of theirs over the years after they had killed Jesse. Anyone who got in the cruel couple’s way was snuffed out of existence. This is what I feared now since nobody was here to help me and I was defenseless with my feet still tied up to where I couldn’t kick out at them. Not to mention I was still fighting for air supply. A bit hard to kick at someone dragging me when I was also suffocating from the cord wrapped around my throat.

 

Oh, don’t get me wrong… I still wiggled and scraped at the floor trying to get away or get some sort of leverage to defend myself but there was none. I even attempted to shift and bring them to that hallway between worlds. I focused my breathing even though I was still clawing for air but nothing. I couldn't seem to make it work. Why hadn't it worked? It always had before. My hope began to die as I realized that without my last trick I couldn't escape them. There was two of them and only one of me and I was beginning to lose consciousness from lack of air. I had hoped Jesse would have felt something through our Mediator bond and come to help me but if he did he ignored it. At this thought I began to lose my will to continue fighting. It would be pointless after all. I was outmatched with no chance of help. All I could think of was how my mother would cry and wonder what happened. How I would never meet my unborn child, how I would probably come back as a ghost. I wondered if Jesse would even look for me. I, of course doubted it, since he cheated on me and basically left me. I would forever love him but I wouldn’t haunt him when I came back, and I know I would, come back as a ghost, I mean. My reason for being here would be because of never even getting to enjoy being pregnant and experiencing motherhood, or the joy of seeing him or her with my family. Of seeing him or her running into Jesse’s arms. Of him rubbing my belly to feel it kicking. Of any of that.

 

Then I realized he wouldn’t even do that anyhow since we weren’t even together now. With that all my hope of staying alive left and I accepted my fate. Perhaps I was meant to bring back Jesse and take his place as my price.

 

In the next moment I was free, bewildered because suddenly my father was they’re hitting them. His rage was evident as he smashed Felix’s face several times before the two Diego’s disappeared.

 

“Dad?” I said, my voice hoarse and raw from being choked.

 

“Go. You need to get out of here before they return. You need help with sending them back where they belong. Find Jesse, he will help you. You know he will. Don’t doubt his love for you. He may be a little lost at the moment in what he wants but give him time.” My dad said pulling me to my feet. “Now run. I can hold them off for a little while so you can get to safety but don’t dally too long.”

 

I didn’t need to hear him telling me twice. I rushed to the front door picking up the purse and keys I had dropped and rushing to my car. I was still bleeding and my right fingers hurt badly. I knew I had some splinters wedged into what was left of my nail beds. Only a couple survived, how I didn’t know but I knew I needed a doctor. Knowing immediately where to go I drove recklessly to Jake’s. I pushed my button for the gate and it opened immediately. I didn’t even slow down as I drove through. I screeched to a stop and was out of the car a moment later with Jake already opening the front door with a gun, thinking it was someone trying to steal from him. Upon seeing me he pointed the gun away and then slowly made his way to me. I looked at him in such relief for a moment before my vision wavered and I began to fall. I heard him curse and him rushing towards me but blacked out before I knew if he caught me.

 

 

 

 

 

“I don’t know, Jesse. She drove in to the compound like the devil was hunting her. Her throat is severely bruised, like someone was choking her with a cord, her nails on her right hand are all but gone with massive bleeding and wicked splinters in them. She collapsed, dude.” I awoke and heard Jake’s voice speaking frantically to, I assume was my husband. I didn’t hear Jesse though, which meant he was talking to him on the phone. I opened my eyes and squinted at the bright light of the dining room. I was laying on top the massive table with a pillow under my head. My head was pounding, along with my fingers from the splinters.

 

I did an internal check, assessing where I was hurt. This was something I did often since a lot of NCDP’s took it upon themselves to fight me, drown me, choke me, or drop buildings on me. Neither of those are fun let me tell you. I wasn’t hurt anywhere else other than my throat, my ankles, my fingertips, and my head. I don’t even remember hitting my head during my struggle with Felix and Maria but I must have when I was thrown to the ground when the decided to drag me by my ankles. I most likely had a concussion, which meant a long night for me.

 

“You’ll be here soon. Good. Oh, I think she’s awake.” Jake said, relief obvious in his tone. “See you when you get here. Bye.”

 

 

I rose slowly not wanting to hurt myself. I looked down at my fingers and grimaced. They were still bleeding and already turning a deep purple. The sight of them made me queasy and since I was, in fact, pregnant the smell also reached me and next thing I know I was leaning over the side of the table and hurling my dinner onto the floor. I felt a pair of hands pull my hair back and rub my back soothingly.

 

Once I finished, I rose and gave Jake, who was the one holding my hair back, an apologetic look. “I’m sorry about your floor.” I said roughly.

 

“Don’t worry about it. You should lay back down on the table, Suze. Until Jesse gets here and can look at you.” He said trying to coax me back onto the table.

 

“I’d rather be in a bed, Jake. This table is not comfortable. Besides, all he has to do is take out the splinters and bandage my fingers.” I said.

 

“And determine if you have a concussion.” He said.

 

“No point. I know I have one. Now will you please help me to somewhere more comfortable?” I ordered. Knowing he wasn’t going to get anywhere, Jake sighed and then helped me to stand and kept his arm around me since I was dizzy from the concussion. He guided me to my room for when I stayed over with Gina for our girl nights that included Gina, CeeCee, and I.

 

“What happened?” He asked once I was safely in the room and laying down in the much more comfortable bed.

 

“I don’t really remember. I was hit in the back of the head. Next thing I know there is a cord around my neck choking me. Hands held my feet to where I couldn’t kick out and they dragged my across the floor. I clawed the floor trying to get away. That’s all I remember.” I lied. I knew what happened and though I told some of the truth I kept the other part out. He didn’t know about ghosts. Only David, Gina, CeeCee, and Jesse knew.

 

“Jake!” I heard Jesse call out. His voice sounded worried.

 

“In here.” He called back. I shut down at this point. I didn’t really want to see Jesse but knew it was inevitable. He may want space from me but he was still a doctor and genuinely did want to help anyone who was injured or sick.

 

A moment later he entered my room and I glanced at him but kept my eyes from meeting his. I didn’t need to see his beautiful chocolate brown eyes that always seemed to pull me in further. I didn’t want to cry on top of everything else. Jake didn’t know what Jesse had done to me, how I had caught him. How heartbroken I was over it and him leaving me.

 

So I just glanced and then turned my head away to look at the wallpaper on the opposite side of the room. Jake filled him in on where my injuries were and soon enough I felt his warm and firm hands on my hair pushing the strands out of the way so he could look at my neck.

 

“Susannah, does it hurt to talk?” Jesse asked as he felt my neck. I grimaced in pain, the bruising already in affect. I nodded my head, not bothering to speak. Yes, of course it hurt. Your ex-fiancé and her maniacal husband that seemed intent on making sure I’m dead and you along with me weren’t choking you to death.

 

But I didn’t say that. I thought it but didn’t say it. Truth is if he had been in tune with me, he would have felt a disturbance with his ghostly powers he gained from when he came back to life. I had a feeling he ignored it thinking I was just trying to get him to talk to me.

 

Next he uncovered the blanket and gasped at how bad my fingers were. They were way worse than my feet were when I had to walk home from Paul’s once in high school and had already had blisters from new shoes. Add in hot cement and well my feet had been a ghastly sight but my fingers were way worse. I bet they looked like I had the plague. The smell of the blood wafted up to me again and my stomach churned.

 

“Jake, I need a bucket.” I croaked out as nausea began to overtake me. Fuck! Not again! Wrong time to be having morning sickness. I didn’t want Jesse to know yet. Not like this.

 

Jake rushed around the room and emptied a vase full of flowers and water onto the floor. Better water than puke that might stain another rug. He thrusted it under my chin just as I keeled over, unable to hold it back anymore. I spewed into the vice with Jesse pulling my hair back, momentarily leaving my fingers alone. I hurled four times, upchucking what was left of my dinner and emptying my stomach of anything else. Once done I collapsed back into the bed, eyes closed to keep the room from spinning.

 

I knew part of it was from morning sickness but it was also from my concussion. My throwing up signified just how hard I hit my head and that I would need round the clock care for the next few days to make sure I didn’t choke on my vomit or not wake up. Only problem was I didn’t have a few days if the two murderous ghosts had anything to say. Which meant calling in CeeCee’s Aunt Pru to have this house blessed secretly along with my apartment. Then there was the school, the house, and the hospital. Maybe my whole family from David to my mother and Andy. All of this was going through my mind as I recovered from throwing up.

 

I felt a hand on my cheek and I jumped slightly sort of forgetting anyone was there. I opened my eyes alarmed but then calmed as I realized it was Jesse touching me. My betrayed heart clenched and pounded at the same time. Once from pain and the other because well it always sped up when he caressed my face. He attempted to pull it to get me to look at him but I pulled away. I still couldn’t look at him, even more so now as tears gathered in my eyes. He didn’t need to see that and so I pulled my head away to again look at the wall opposite side of him.

 

Sighing, he once again gently picked up my hand and examined the extent of my injury. “I’m going to have to pull out the splinters. I don’t think the pain meds will take affect quickly enough before I pull them so I have to do it without.” He said.

 

Great.

 

Jesse prepared the bedside table with the tweezers he needed. I don’t know how many since I was too busy preparing myself for the inevitable pain I was about to endure. I refused to scream or cry and braced myself.

 

I felt him with the tweezers a second later I bit down on my lip, resisting the urge to cry out. I succeeded mumbling out my pain unable to stop that. It would’ve been a scream but held my lips shut.

 

“Let it out Susannah. It’s okay to scream.” Jesse tried to coax out of me. I shook my head vehemently and glared slightly in his direction.

 

 

 

 

The splinters took about and hour and a half since he had to do both hands. At some point I passed out from the pain.

 

All I know was now I was being awoken back up. “Susannah.” I heard his chocolate smooth voice call to me. “Susannah, wake up. You have to wake up.”

 

I opened my eyes and grumbled. “I’m awake.”

 

He was sitting beside the bed. I still didn’t meet his eyes keeping them on his hospital doctor coat, which he hadn’t had time to change out of. MY hands were now properly bandaged, no splinters or blood in sight other than what had seeped through and remained on the bed. These sheets were ruined. Gina was going to kill me.

 

“You don’t have to watch over me Jesse. I have Jake or can call CeeCee or David.” I said.

 

“But they aren’t doctors, Suze. I will be here until you are free of your concussion. You are restricted to only clear foods, nothing with substance until I know you will keep it down.” Jesse informed her, making me look up into his face for the first time since he entered the room. The blood drained from my face as dread filled me. I wouldn’t stop throwing up.

 

Fuck! How was I going to get out of this one?

 

“Susannah?” Jesse brought me back to the present. “Are you okay? Do you need to throw up again?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then why are you suddenly so pale?” He asked with his eyebrow raised. I quivered at seeing it, missing it. It was a look I loved because there was a slight scar above his eyebrow that was more noticeable when he raised it. It always turned my stomach to jelly and made my knees weak. Even now when my heart lurched inside me.

 

“Because if you hadn’t guessed, I have a concussion along with my nails ripped to shreds.” I snapped. “I’ve had a rather trying two days and will have who knows how many more in the next several weeks. I’m tired and so very heartbroken thanks to you, you cheating bastard! I will follow your care instructions, Dr. De Silvia but please just leave me alone! You’ve already given me enough heartbreak to last me a lifetime. Not to mention it’s your fault I ended up like this!”

 

“How is this my fault?” He asked dumbfounded.

 

“Had you not have been selfish and cheated on me. Had you talked to me about this instead of making worry over it and catching you, you would’ve been in tune to me as you say you are. You would’ve felt my fear, my fight for life! I nearly died! I thought I could at least count on you for that but I was wrong! I have completely lost every bit of faith and trust in you! You and your blonde bimbo ruined everything! Now leave me alone! Get out!” I screamed. Jake came running in with a sledgehammer looking for whomever was attacking me, not really hearing our conversation since it looked like he had been asleep. Had I not been in pain, afraid for my life and the life I hoped was still growing inside me, I would’ve found this rather comical. But I didn’t and I also caught when Jesse had flinched as I spewed out the fact I didn’t trust him. “Jake. I think I should have _my_ actual doctor called and have her come stay with me the remainder of this damned concussion. Jesse wants his space to fuck whomever then he will get it. I’m done. I’ve had enough. You stay to your side of the compound and I will stay on mine until I can go home.”

 

“I can go stay at the house.” Jesse offered. As he said that memories of everything I just went through flashed through my mind and I began shaking. My chest heaved with the panic that accompanied the fear.

 

Subconsciously my bandaged hands made their way up to my throat and I clawed at my throat as I felt that cord choking me again. Normally I wasn’t scared of violent ghosts but these two wouldn’t stop and I didn’t feel safe. I had never felt more alone than in that moment.

 

“Susannah… Susannah…” He called but I didn’t hear. I was too much into my traumatic memories. “Susannah… Querida… Querida. Come back to me, Querida.”

 

His hands on my arms and then on my cheek are what pulled me out of them. Not to mention hearing his Spanish endearment he used to like to call me. I blinked and look up into his worried eyes and part of me wanted to burst out crying and have him enclose me in his arms in comfort, to feel safe as he always used to make me feel, but now I didn’t know how to feel. I loved him so much but I didn’t trust him anymore. I wasn’t lying when I said that.

 

“Querida. Susannah, are you alright?” He asked sincerely. I pulled myself back and out of his arms.

 

“I’m fine. I’ve just had a very eventful day.” I said, closing myself off from him. His face frowned and I saw hurt in his eyes. I was building my walls back up, protecting myself from him. The walls I essentially had in place when we first met, the ones that kept boundaries. The kind that said I had only me to look out for me and that I wasn’t counting on him anymore. My life and that of my unborn child had been in jeopardy. I had been counting on him feeling my fear, my pain as he always did but he had shut that off to ignore me in favor of his new model fresh blonde coworker.

“You should stay here Jesse. I don’t want you in _my_ house having _her_ there.” I said, part of it true. I didn’t want him there because then I would think about him tainting our marriage bed with that woman. It would be something that would always bother me. But that wasn’t the main reason to keep him away from the house. I didn’t want him to get killed by _them_. I may not trust him or particularly like him at the moment but I still loved him deeply. I wanted to protect him. Which meant figuring out a way to get rid of Diego’s myself like I used to do before moving here.

 

With a stubborn and determined look on my face I continued. “I will give you the space you want, Jesse. All the space you need, in fact. Thank you for the medical care you provided tonight, but I am firing you as my doctor. I already have one and would prefer her since she knows my history more so than you at the current moment.” I told him.

 

“But Susannah… I still care about you. You know you can come to me about anything. I will be there for you if you need me despite my need for distance in our relationship.” He tried to tell me but I wasn’t listening. He had already not been there when I needed him.

 

“No Dr. De Silvia, I can’t count on that. The only person I can count on in this world especially with who I am and my role in it is me. I have known it all along and have learned my lesson in the hardest way.” I said and turned my head away, not looking at him, dismissing him.

 

I don’t know how long he stood there or why but he eventually left with barely a sound. I could only here the sound of his doctor coat as it swished against his scrubs. As soon as he was out of earshot my walls crumbled and I broke down into a sobbing mess, one that had Jake rushing to the bed and pulling me into his arms. I held on for dear life as all the fear, pain, trauma, hurt, heartbreak, and whatever else I was feeling came out. My hormones were all over the place and I couldn’t reign them in.

 

I don’t know how long I cried but eventually I stopped and just felt numb. Once I was calm enough I pulled away.

 

“I am going to tell you something that you can’t tell Jesse. I tried to tell him but he wouldn’t meet me half way. If you caught the gist of our argument then you know he cheated on me, I caught him, and this is the result. But before I found out about his cheating I found out I’m pregnant. I had it all planned with telling him but never got the chance.” I explained. My brother’s eyes widened at this overload of information. “I need my doctor here to check to see if I lost m-my child from all this. I don’t want Jesse to know right now. I don’t want him to know unless I am unable to make medical decisions because I am unconscious or in a coma.”

 

“But Suze, he’s the father. He has a right to know.” Jake stressed to me.

 

“I know but I can’t involve him right now. I don’t want him to return to me out of necessity. I am giving him his space, which will most likely end in our divorce since I don’t know if I’ll ever trust him again.” I told him. “Right now I need to take care of myself and put him out of my mind so that I can protect my child if he or she is still growing inside me. Once he has had his space I will tell him and we will figure it out.”

 

Jake didn’t quite agree with me but he also saw what I was trying to do. I was doing the best I could under the circumstances and that I was focusing on myself as a future mother protecting the life growing within me so that should Jesse decide to give me the time of day there would be a child to talk about instead of a miscarriage brought about the stress he unknowingly caused me. He would never forgive himself about that, knowing Jesse as I did.

 

“Alright. I will keep it to myself unless I fear your life is in peril and you need him.” Jake agreed.

 

“Agreed.” Little did he know that my life was already in peril.


	3. Morning Sickness and Concussion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse attends to Suze’s Injuries while she tries to lock her emotional pain away to keep him out. She snaps and tells him she no longer trusts him.

“I don’t know, Jesse. She drove in to the compound like the devil was hunting her. Her throat is severely bruised, like someone was choking her with a cord, her nails on her right hand are all but gone with massive bleeding and wicked splinters in them. She collapsed, dude.” I awoke and heard Jake’s voice speaking frantically to, I assume was my husband. I didn’t hear Jesse though, which meant he was talking to him on the phone. I opened my eyes and squinted at the bright light of the dining room. I was laying on top the massive table with a pillow under my head. My head was pounding, along with my fingers from the splinters.  
  
I did an internal check, assessing where I was hurt. This was something I did often since a lot of NCDP’s took it upon themselves to fight me, drown me, choke me, or drop buildings on me. Neither of those are fun let me tell you. I wasn’t hurt anywhere else other than my throat, my ankles, my fingertips, and my head. I don’t even remember hitting my head during my struggle with Felix and Maria but I must have when I was thrown to the ground when they decided to drag me by my ankles. I most likely had a concussion, which meant a long night for me.  
  
“You’ll be here soon. Good. Oh, I think she’s awake.” Jake said, relief obvious in his tone. “See you when you get here. Bye.”  
  
I rose slowly not wanting to hurt myself. I looked down at my fingers and grimaced. They were still bleeding and already turning a deep purple. The sight of them made me queasy and since I was, in fact, pregnant the smell also reached me and next thing I know I was leaning over the side of the table and hurling my guts onto the floor. I felt a pair of hands pull my hair back and rub my back soothingly.  
  
Once I finished, I rose and gave Jake, who was the one holding my hair back, an apologetic look. “I’m sorry about your floor.” I said roughly.  
  
“Don’t worry about it. You should lay back down on the table, Suze. Until Jesse gets here and can look at you.” He said trying to coax me back onto the table.  
  
“I’d rather be in a bed, Jake. This table is not comfortable. Besides, all he has to do is take out the splinters and bandage my fingers.” I said.  
  
“And determine if you have a concussion.” He said.  
  
“No point. I know I have one. Now will you please help me to somewhere more comfortable?” I ordered. Knowing he wasn’t going to get anywhere, Jake sighed and then helped me to stand and kept his arm around me since I was dizzy from the concussion. He guided me to my room for when I stayed over with Gina for our girl nights that included Gina, CeeCee, and I.  
  
“What happened?” He asked once I was safely in the room and laying down in the much more comfortable bed.  
  
“I don’t really remember. I was hit in the back of the head. Next thing I know there is a cord around my neck choking me. Hands held my feet to where I couldn’t kick out and they dragged my across the floor. I clawed the floor trying to get away. That’s all I remember.” I lied. I knew what happened and though I told some of the truth I kept the other part out. He didn’t know about ghosts. Only David, Gina, CeeCee, and Jesse knew.  
  
“Jake!” I heard Jesse call out. His voice sounded worried.  
  
“In here.” He called back. I shut down at this point. I didn’t really want to see Jesse but knew it was inevitable. He may want space from me but he was still a doctor and genuinely did want to help anyone who was injured or sick.  
  
A moment later he entered my room and I glanced at him but kept my eyes from meeting his. I didn’t need to see his beautiful chocolate brown eyes that always seemed to pull me in further. I didn’t want to cry on top of everything else. Jake didn’t know what Jesse had done to me, how I had caught him. How heartbroken I was over it and him leaving me. Of how I was going to be going over divorce papers and custody agreements in the near future.  
  
So I just glanced at him before completely shutting my emotions down so he couldn’t read me and then turned my head away to look at the wallpaper on the opposite side of the room. Jake filled him in on where my injuries were and soon enough I felt his warm and firm hands on my hair pushing the strands out of the way so he could look at my neck.  
  
“Susannah, does it hurt to talk?” Jesse asked as he felt my neck. I grimaced in pain, the bruising already in affect. I nodded my head, not bothering to speak. Yes, of course it hurt. Your ex-fiancé and her maniacal husband that seemed intent on making sure I’m dead and you along with me weren’t choking you to death.  
  
But I didn’t say that. I thought it but didn’t say it. Truth is if he had been in tune with me, he would have felt a disturbance with his ghostly powers he gained from when he came back to life. I had a feeling he ignored it thinking I was just trying to get him to talk to me.  
  
Next he uncovered the blanket and gasped at how bad my fingers were. They were way worse than my feet were when I had to walk home from Paul’s once in high school and had already had blisters from new shoes. Add in hot cement and well my feet had been a ghastly sight but my fingers were way worse. I bet they looked like I had the plague. The smell of the blood wafted up to me again and my stomach churned.  
  
“Jake, I need a bucket.” I croaked out as nausea began to overtake me. Fuck! Not again! Wrong time to be having morning sickness. I didn’t want Jesse to know yet. Not like this.  
  
Jake rushed around the room and emptied a vase full of flowers and water onto the floor. Better water than puke that might stain another rug. He thrusted it under my chin just as I keeled over, unable to hold it back anymore. I spewed into the vice with Jesse pulling my hair back, momentarily leaving my fingers alone. I hurled four times, upchucking what was left of my barely eaten dinner and emptying my stomach of anything else. Once done I collapsed back into the bed, eyes closed to keep the room from spinning.  
  
I knew part of it was from morning sickness but it was also from my concussion. My throwing up signified just how hard I hit my head and that I would need round the clock care for the next few days to make sure I didn’t choke on my vomit or not wake up. Only problem was I didn’t have a few days if the two murderous ghosts had anything to say. Which meant calling in CeeCee’s Aunt Pru to have this house blessed secretly along with my apartment. Then there was the school, the house, and the hospital. Maybe my whole family from David to my mother and Andy. All of this was going through my mind as I recovered from throwing up.  
  
I felt a hand on my cheek and I jumped slightly sort of forgetting anyone was there. I opened my eyes alarmed but then calmed as I realized it was Jesse touching me. My betrayed heart clenched and pounded at the same time. Once from pain and the other because well it always sped up when he caressed my face or any part of me really. He attempted to pull it to get me to look at him but I pulled away. I still couldn’t look at him, even more so now as tears gathered in my eyes. He didn’t need to see that and so I pulled my head away to again look at the wall opposite side of him.  
  
Sighing, he once again gently picked up my hand and examined the extent of my injury. “I’m going to have to pull out the splinters. I don’t think the pain meds will take affect quickly enough before I pull them so I have to do it without.” He said.  
  
Great.  
  
Jesse prepared the bedside table with the tweezers he needed. I don’t know how many since I was too busy preparing myself for the inevitable pain I was about to endure. I refused to scream or cry and braced myself.  
  
I felt him with the tweezers a second later I bit down on my lip, resisting the urge to cry out. I succeeded mumbling out my pain unable to stop that. It would’ve been a scream but held my lips shut.  
  
“Let it out Susannah. It’s okay to scream.” Jesse tried to coax out of me. I shook my head vehemently and glared slightly in his direction.  
  
The splinters took about and hour and a half since he had to do both hands. At some point I passed out from the pain.  
  
All I know was now I was being awoken back up. “Susannah.” I heard his chocolate smooth voice call to me. “Susannah, wake up. You have to wake up.”  
  
I opened my eyes and grumbled. “I’m awake.”  
  
He was sitting beside the bed. I still didn’t meet his eyes keeping them on his hospital doctor coat, which he hadn’t had time to change out of. My hands were now properly bandaged, no splinters or blood in sight other than what had seeped through and remained on the bed. These sheets were ruined. Gina was going to kill me.  
  
“You don’t have to watch over me Jesse. I have Jake or can call CeeCee or David.” I said.  
  
“But they aren’t doctors, Suze. I will be here until you are free of your concussion. You are restricted to only clear foods, nothing with substance until I know you will keep it down.” Jesse informed her, making me look up into his face for the first time since he entered the room. The blood drained from my face as dread filled me. I wouldn’t stop throwing up.  
  
Fuck! How was I going to get out of this one?  
  
“Susannah?” Jesse brought me back to the present. “Are you okay? Do you need to throw up again?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Then why are you suddenly so pale?” He asked with his eyebrow raised. I quivered at seeing it, missing it. It was a look I loved because there was a slight scar above his eyebrow that was more noticeable when he raised it. It always turned my stomach to jelly and made my knees weak. Even now when my heart lurched inside me.  
  
“Because if you hadn’t guessed, I have a concussion along with my nails ripped to shreds.” I snapped. “I’ve had a rather trying two days and will have who knows how many more in the next several weeks. I’m tired and so very heartbroken thanks to you, you cheating bastard! I will follow your care instructions, Dr. De Silvia but please just leave me alone! You’ve already given me enough heartbreak to last me a lifetime. Not to mention it’s your fault I ended up like this!”  
  
“How is this my fault?” He asked dumbfounded.  
  
“Had you not have been selfish and cheated on me. Had you talked to me about this instead of me catching you, you would’ve been in tune to me as you say you are. You would’ve felt my fear, my fight for life!” Not to mention my losing hope, too. “I nearly died! I thought I could at least count on you for that but I was wrong! I have completely lost every bit of faith and trust in you! You and your blonde bimbo ruined everything! Now leave me alone! Get out!” I screamed.  
  
Jake came running in with a sledgehammer looking for whomever was attacking me, not really hearing our conversation since it looked like he had been asleep. Had I not been in pain, afraid for my life and the life I hoped was still growing inside me, I would’ve found this rather comical. But I didn’t and I also caught when Jesse had flinched as I spewed out the fact I didn’t trust him. “Jake. I think I should have my actual doctor called and have her come stay with me the remainder of this damned concussion. Jesse wants his space to fuck whomever then he will get it. I’m done. I’ve had enough. You stay to your side of the compound and I will stay on mine until I can go home.”  
  
“I can go stay at the house.” Jesse offered. As he said that memories of everything I just went through flashed through my mind and I began shaking. My chest heaved with the panic that accompanied the fear.  
  
Subconsciously my bandaged hands made their way up to my throat and I clawed at my throat as I felt that cord choking me again. Normally I wasn’t scared of violent ghosts but these two wouldn’t stop and I didn’t feel safe. I had never felt more alone than in that moment.  
  
“Susannah… Susannah…” He called but I didn’t hear. I was too much into my traumatic memories. “Susannah… _Querida… Querida._ Come back to me, _Querida_.”  
  
His hands on my arms and then on my cheek are what pulled me out of them. Not to mention hearing his Spanish endearment he used to like to call me. I blinked and look up into his worried eyes and part of me wanted to burst out crying and have him enclose me in his arms in comfort, to feel safe as he always used to make me feel, but now I didn’t know how to feel. I loved him so much but I didn’t trust him anymore. I wasn’t lying when I said that.  
  
“ _Querida_. Susannah, are you alright?” He asked sincerely. I pulled myself back and out of his arms.  
  
“I’m fine. I’ve just had a very eventful day.” I said, closing myself off from him. His face frowned and I saw hurt in his eyes. I was building my walls back up, protecting myself from him. The walls I essentially had in place when we first met, the ones that kept boundaries. The kind that said I had only me to look out for me and that I wasn’t counting on him anymore. My life and that of my unborn child had been in jeopardy. I had been counting on him feeling my fear, my pain as he always did but he had shut that off to ignore me in favor of his new model fresh blonde coworker.  
  
“You should stay here Jesse. I don’t want you in my house having her there.” I said, part of it true. I didn’t want him there because then I would think about him tainting our marriage bed with that woman. It would be something that would always bother me. But that wasn’t the main reason to keep him away from the house. I didn’t want him to get killed by them. I may not trust him or particularly like him at the moment but I still loved him deeply. I wanted to protect him. Which meant figuring out a way to get rid of Diego’s myself like I used to do before moving here.  
  
With a stubborn and determined look on my face I continued. “I will give you the space you want, Jesse. All the space you could ever want, in fact, because I’m done. And on that note, thank you for the medical care you provided tonight, but I am firing you as my doctor. I already have one and would prefer her since she knows my history more so than you at the current moment.” I told him.  
  
“But Susannah… I still care about you. You know you can come to me about anything. I will be there for you if you need me despite my need for distance in our relationship.” He tried to tell me but I wasn’t listening. He had already not been there when I needed him.  
  
“No Dr. De Silvia, I can’t count on that. The only person I can count on in this world especially with who I am and my role in it is me. I have known it all along and have learned my lesson in the hardest way.” I said and turned my head away, not looking at him, dismissing him. “Never again will I ever trust you.”  
  
I don’t know how long he stood there or why but he eventually left with barely a sound. I could only here the sound of his doctor coat as it swished against his scrubs.

 

 

 

 

As soon as he was out of earshot my walls crumbled and I broke down into a sobbing mess, one that had Jake rushing to the bed and pulling me into his arms. I held on for dear life as all the fear, pain, trauma, hurt, heartbreak, and whatever else I was feeling came out. My hormones were all over the place and I couldn’t reign them in.  
  
I don’t know how long I cried but eventually I stopped and just felt numb. Once I was calm enough I pulled away.  
  
“I am going to tell you something that you can’t tell Jesse. I tried to tell him but he wouldn’t meet me half way. If you caught the gist of our argument then you know he cheated on me, I caught him, and this is the result. But before I found out about his cheating I found out I’m pregnant. I had it all planned with telling him but never got the chance.” I explained. My brother’s eyes widened at this overload of information. “I need my doctor here to check to see if I lost m-my child from all this. I don’t want Jesse to know right now. I don’t want him to know unless I am unable to make medical decisions because I am unconscious or in a coma.”  
  
“But Suze, he’s the father. He has a right to know.” Jake stressed to me.  
  
“I know but I don’t want him to return to me out of duty. I am giving him what he wants, his freedom from me.” I told him. “Right now I need to take care of myself and put him out of my mind so that I can protect my child if he or she is still growing inside me. When I am ready I will tell him.  
  
Jake didn’t quite agree with me but he also saw what I was trying to do. I was doing the best I could under the circumstances and that I was focusing on myself as a future mother protecting the life growing within me so that should Jesse decide to give me the time of day there would be a child to talk about instead of a miscarriage brought about the stress he unknowingly caused me. He would never forgive himself about that, knowing Jesse as I did.  
  
“Alright. I will keep it to myself unless I fear your life is in peril and you need him.” Jake agreed.  
  
“Agreed.” Little did he know that my life was already in peril.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's been so long. I've been busy with work and another fan fiction to a different fandom. It consumed me for a bit. I was also recovering from a stint in the hospital and that too had an affect in my writing this. I had a case of writer's block too. I hope you guys liked chapter 3.


	4. Chapter 3 pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Jesse’s POV in treating Susannah after her near death with the Diego’s

Jesse’s POV:

I had just walked out of surgery thinking about what Rose and I had done last night in the on call room just before Susannah had caught us when my pager suddenly went off. The message said to come to the nurse where I had a phone call from my brother in law Jake. Frowning, I hurried to the desk with my eyebrows raised at the nurse that paged me.  
  
  
“Your brother in law has been calling every few minutes. Says he needs you to call him immediately and that it’s an emergency.” Sue, the main nurse that was stationed on this floor said.  
  
  
I thanked her and then quickly dialed Jake’s number from my cell phone that I had in my pants pocket as I briefly wondered if Rose would be in that hot lingerie set she’d worn last night, or something similar. He answered it on the first ring. “What’s going on?” I asked.  
  
  
“It’s Suze, Dude. She’s hurt and badly. She needs medical attention and quickly.” He spouted out but I didn’t really believe him.  
  
  
“Wait, what? What happened?” I asked, thinking it was just Susannah trying to get me to talk to her like she had earlier that evening at the restaurant.  
  
  
“I don’t know, Jesse. She drove in to the compound like the devil was hunting her. Her throat is severely bruised, like someone was choking her with a cord, her nails on her right hand are all but gone with massive bleeding and wicked splinters in them. She collapsed the moment she was out of her car and saw me, dude.” His voice sounded worried and it was clear he was panicked.  
  
  
Fear and dread filled me, all thoughts of Rose dashed from my mind. I was already on the way to the locker room for the doctors to grab my bag, panic for Susannah’s well being motivating me. “I’ll be there shortly. I just need to grab my bag and I’ll be on my way.” I told him as I reached the locker room.  
  
  
“You’ll be here soon. Good. Oh, I think she’s awake.” Jake said, relief obvious in his tone. “See you when you get here. Bye.”  
  
  
I grabbed my bag before heading to the supply closet. I grabbed bandages, antiseptic, and few other things I might need.  
  
  
I was outside running to my car a few moments later. I threw my bag into the passenger seat beside me and quickly started my car. I reversed with a screech and sped out of the parking lot.  
  
  
It was about thirty minutes before I came through the gates barely waiting for them to open. Out of the car and inside a few moments later, looking around and seeing blood on the dining room table where Jake must have set her. I took in the puke on the floor, the smell wafting to my nose. It was clearly her dinner from what she had picked up at the restaurant. I had a moment of panic and called out. “Jake!”  
  
  
“In here.” I heard him call out from the guest room Susannah used when she slept over for when she enjoyed a girl’s night. I made my way back to the room quickly and entered the room a moment later.  
  
  
I stopped at the door and felt my heart stop at the sight of her appearance. She glanced at me briefly and then turned her head away to look at the wallpaper on the opposite side of the room. Jake filled me in on where her injuries were but I could see some of them for myself. Her neck was purple, bruised, and scratched. It was as Jake had said. Like she had been choked with a cord, the scratches being from her own fingers trying to clutch at the chord to get air back into her lungs.  
  
  
I gulped as I sat down on the chair beside the bed where Jake had obviously been sitting in as he waited for me to get here. I not even caring about gloves moved my wife’s brunette hair out of the way and gently began touching her neck to feel how badly the bruising was and to apply antiseptic to the scratches. The bruises were gruesome and I felt myself wondering what had happened. It was obviously of the ghostly type of violence since Susannah didn’t exactly get into many fights with people that were alive.  
  
  
“Susannah, does it hurt to talk?” I asked as I continued to probe her neck. She grimaced in pain and nodded her head, not bothering to speak. Whether or not that was because of her nearly being strangled to death or because of what was happening between us, I didn’t know. She glared at me for a brief second. There was anger, pain, and wariness of me. This bothered me a lot. I had the urge to try to quell it and reassure her but ignored it.  
  
  
Next I uncovered the blanket where her fingers were and gaped in horror for a second. They were bad, gruesome. Her nails were shredded and torn like she had been dragged across the floor and she’d tried to claw to freedom.  
  
  
I heard her gasp at them before she moaned.  
  
  
“Jake, I need a bucket.” She croaked out her face turning a sickly shade, signaling that she was about to hurl. Clearly the smell of the blood was causing the nausea but this was strange to me since Susannah had never been squeamish regarding blood. This told me she had a bad concussion.  
  
  
Jake rushed around the room and emptied a vase full of flowers and water onto the floor. Better water than puke that might stain another rug. He thrusted it under her chin just as she keeled over, unable to hold it back anymore. She spewed into the vase and I pulled her hair back, momentarily leaving her fingers alone. She hurled four times, upchucking what was left of her dinner. Once done she collapsed back into the bed, eyes closed in obvious exhaustion.  
  
  
Her throwing up signified just how hard she’d been hit in the head and that I would need to be giving her round the clock care for the next few days to make sure she didn’t choke on her vomit or to slip into a coma to never wake up. That fear I felt earlier punched me in the stomach at the thought of her laying there to never wake, to leave me here alone.  
  
  
Unable to stop myself, my worry for her so great, I caressed her cheek tenderly, needing her to look at me. She jumped slightly sort of forgetting anyone was there it seemed. She opened her eyes alarmed for a moment before calming down. Susannah still wouldn’t look at me and I attempted to pull her face towards me to get her to meet my eyes but she jerked her chin out of my grasp, pulling away from me. I saw the tears gathered in her eyes as she did, and turned her gaze back to the wall to hide them away. She didn’t want me to see them, to see how bad I’d hurt her, how she was still hurting. How she didn’t exactly want my help at the moment.  
  
  
I sighed, feeling bad for what I had done to her. I remembered the fight we’d had last night, of me trying to tell her how not act. The look on her face as she spat out exactly how she felt. Hurt, heartbroken, betrayed, and devastated she had choked out at me.  
  
  
I once again gently picked up her hand and examined the extent of her injury. “I’m going to have to pull out the splinters. I don’t think the pain meds will take effect quickly enough before I pull them so I have to do it without.” I said. She didn’t really answer giving me a nonchalant shake of her head.

  
I prepared the bedside table with the tweezers I needed from the kit, the bandages, and antiseptic I’d grabbed from the supply closet at the hospital. I felt her tensing up, bracing herself for the inevitable pain I was about to unleash on her.   
  
I picked the tweezers a second later and began the process of pulling the splinters from her fingers. She didn’t scream, refused to do so and bit down on her lip. She succeeded but mumbled out every now and then unable to stop that, probably cursing like a sailor.   
  
“Let it out Susannah. It’s okay to scream.” I tried to coax out of her. She shook her head vehemently and glared at me for a moment. She refused to do so, stubborn and didn’t like that I was encouraging it.   
  
The splinters took about and hour and at some point Susannah passed out from the pain.   
  
I kept an eye on the time as I worked, waking her up after I had used the antiseptic on them before bandaging them up.   
  
“Susannah.” I whispered lightly when I was done. I kept my voice calm though my heart sped up wondering if she was going to actually wake up or not. “Susannah, wake up. You have to wake up.”   
  
She opened her eyes and grumbled. “I’m awake.”   
  
She still didn’t meet my eyes keeping them on my hospital doctor coat, which I hadn’t had time to change out of.   
  
“You don’t have to watch over me Jesse. I have Jake or can call CeeCee or David.” She said.   
  
“But they aren’t doctors, Suze. I will be here until you are free of your concussion. You are restricted to only clear foods, nothing with substance until I know you will keep it down.” I ordered, making her eyes finally look up into my face for the first time since I entered the room. The blood drained from her face and I was flabbergasted at this sudden reaction.   
  
“Susannah?” I frowned in concern. “Are you okay? Do you need to throw up again?”   
  
“No.”   
  
“Then why are you suddenly so pale?” I asked with an eyebrow raised. I saw her lips quiver, saw the longing in her eyes as she regarded me. Pain and sorrow flitted into her eyes before anger replaced it.   
  
“Because if you hadn’t guessed, I have a concussion along with my nails bees having been ripped to shreds.” She snapped. “I’ve had a rather trying two days and will have who knows how many more in the next several weeks. I’m tired and so very heartbroken thanks to you, you cheating bastard! I will follow your care instructions, Dr. De Silvia but please just leave me alone! You’ve already given me enough heartbreak to last me a lifetime. Not to mention it’s your fault I ended up like this!”   
  
“How is this my fault?” I asked dumbfounded.   
  
“Had you not have been selfish and cheated on me. Had you talked to me about this instead of making worry over it and catching you, you would’ve been in tune to me as you say you are. You would’ve felt my fear, my fight for life! I nearly died!” I knew what she was referring to. The Mediator Shifter bond thing we had from the moment I’d met her. It had transferred over when I was brought back to life along with some of the supernatural powers a spirit gains upon becoming a ghost. “I thought I could at least count on you for that but I was wrong! I have completely lost every bit of faith and trust in you! You and your blonde bimbo ruined everything! Now leave me alone! Get out!” She screamed and I flinched. Truth was I had indeed ignored the bond, thinking she was faking it and I had been about to walk into surgery. Guilt filled me at her comment about losing her faith and trust in me. It hurt. More than I thought was possible giving how unfeeling I was to her over the last month.

 

I was about to reassure her when Jake came running in with a sledgehammer at that moment, looking for whomever was attacking her, not really hearing our conversation since it looked like he had been asleep.   
  
“Jake. I think I should have my actual doctor called and have her come stay with me the remainder of this damned concussion. Jesse wants his space to fuck whoever the fuck he wants, then he will get it.” She said angrily, before a tone I’d never heard from her came out as she spoke the rest. It was dejected and held a devastating finality to it. “I’m done. I’ve had enough. You stay to your side of the compound and I will stay on mine until I can go home.”   
  
“I can go stay at the house.” I offered trying to appease her but something changed in her again that scared the shit out of me. Her eyes became distant and then she began shaking. Her chest began heaving with the panic that accompanied the sudden fear that poured into her entire body.

  
I watched her bandaged hands make their way up to her throat and clawed at it as If felt that cord were choking her again. I’d never seen her this frightened and I felt the gut wrenching fear assault me through the bond, and heard her choking trying to get air as she was being strangled, an echo of what she’d been through. Felt her dig her one hand into the floor as something held her legs and dragged her. I felt it all as she relieved it in her mind. It had been a ghostly encounter and I had ignored it. I couldn’t see it though, to which I was grateful of. I snapped out of it.   
  
“Susannah… Susannah…” I called out, but she didn’t hear. She was too much into the traumatic memories she’d endured just a few hours ago. I tried over and over again to try to bring her back to the present. I finally switched to my nickname I’d called her since just after our first encounter with me as a ghost and her as a snappy, irritated young woman. “Susannah… Querida… Querida. Come back to me, Querida.”   
  
I grabbed both of her arms shaking her lightly and when that didn’t work I grasped her cheek with my hands. Finally she came out of it. She blinked and look up into my worried eyes as I pulled her against me gently. An assault of emotions flickered in her gaze as she held my eyes. Too many of them for me to read, surprising me since I’d always been able to read them except when she was still learning to trust me during those years I was a ghost. She’d been so intriguing to me because one moment I’d be able to read her and the next I wouldn’t because of the walls she’d kept up when around me.   
  
“Querida. Susannah, are you alright?” I asked sincerely, breaking her from looking at me. She pulled herself back and out of my arms, a mask settling on her face. The mask that she’d worn since I’d met her.   
  
“I’m fine. I’ve just had a very eventful day.” She said, her voice not showing any of her emotions. I frowned with hurt feeling a pinch in my chest, and she saw it in my eyes. She was building her walls back up, the walls she’d essentially had in place when we first met, the ones that kept boundaries between her and others. The kind that said she had only her to look out for her and that’s the way she liked it. All of that anger, fear, pain, and whatever I couldn’t read in her eyes became hidden underneath that stubborn mask and the only emotion she allowed me to see was her distrust of me. Everything else she locked deep inside her in a matter of moments making me feel for the first time that I had made a grave mistake.   
  
“You should stay here Jesse. I don’t want you in my house having  _ her  _ there.” She said in a hiss of disgust. I flinched at it, reminded of the first encounter we’d first had in her room when she had called me a “cowboy” something I had taken offense to. I couldn’t dispute against her either because that house was indeed hers, was in her name courtesy of Paul Slater. Just thinking his name made me see red. The asshole had been nothing but a hindrance since we’d met him. He’d been obsessed with Susannah because she didn’t want him, not truly. He couldn’t take no for an answer when they were teenagers and I was a ghost. He was a mediator like she was and had met through the child she had been babysitting during a summer.   
  
I understood why she didn’t want me in the house, she didn’t want me to bring Rose there to our bed. I wouldn’t, had enough respect for Susannah to not do that especially when I would tire of the blonde doctor and decided to return to my wife.   
  
With that stubborn and determined look on her face she continued. “I will give you the space you want, Jesse. All the space you need, in fact. Thank you for the medical care you provided tonight, but I am firing you as my doctor. I already have one and would prefer her since she knows my history more so than you at the current moment.”   
  
“But Susannah… I still care about you. You know you can come to me about anything. I will be there for you if you need me despite my need for distance in our relationship.” I tried to tell her feeling myself starting to panic. I felt like she was throwing me away forever and that didn’t sit well with me.   
  
“No Dr. De Silvia, I can’t count on that. The only person I can count on in this world especially with who I am and my role in it, is me. I have known it all along and have learned my lesson in the hardest way.” Susannah said, turning her head away from me, shutting me out of anything involving her, giving me what I’d wanted and dismissing me.   
  
I stood there for several long minutes, noticing that I should be feeling happy with this space she was giving me but it didn’t. It didn’t make me happy because it felt like she had made a decision regarding our relationship and was effectively ending it. I left, barely making a sound, my heart pounding rapidly in my chest feeling like it was shattering within. Is this how she was feeling? I wondered. If so, then there might never be a chance to patch up our relationship, the one I had ruined by betraying her. I walked down the hall and stopped suddenly when I heard her let out a heart wrenching wail that turned into sobs. My heart clenched more at hearing it and I immediately wanted to go back and apologize to her but just walked away again, leaving Jake’s compound.   
  
I drove off to Rose’s apartment and when she opened the door I took her lips with mine in a demanding and numb kiss. I don’t remember what exactly was said only that we were soon naked and having sex, meaningless on my end. I’d made a grave mistake and was further digging my grave as I fucked this blonde woman who wasn’t my wife.   
  
  



	5. Recovery is Overrated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suze recovers and tries to ask Jesse for help with the Diego’s but he won’t listen. Fearing for the life she is growing in her belly along with everyone else she loves, she leaves Jake’s home needing to not be near Jesse.

Chapter 4: Suze’s POV:   
  
The next morning after a long night of being woken every hour on the hour by Jake and several times by Jesse after he returned from wherever he went, probably to wherever that bitch lived, I called Dr. Robbins and told her of my situation and the fabricated events of my almost murder. She gasped on the phone and asked if I was all right. After assuring her that I was I asked if she would come check on me to make sure everything was okay. She said she’d be there after she saw her next patient who was due in twenty minutes. We set for her to come at ten o’clock to be sure.   
  
As soon as I hung up, I called for Jake. He entered a few minutes later and I told him what was going on. I had already told my doctor about my brother’s place and the security. She knew what to do in regards to getting in.   
  
Jake nodded and went to make sure his security team knew she was to be expected. As I once again sat alone in my room at his house I became aware of a need to use the restroom. I knew I couldn’t stand on my own and Jake was way on the other end of the house. I had called my doctor using his phone since mine was still at the house. I recalled it falling out of my pocket and hearing it shatter, the screen I mean, on the floor. There was no way I was going back to get it right now or sending anyone else to retrieve it. It was probably broken anyway and I didn’t want to risk anyone’s life, including my own for it.   
  
I thought about what to do knowing that I wouldn’t be able to hold it for much longer. I pulled the blankets and sheets off of me and slowly made myself sit up, dizziness already setting in. This wasn’t a good idea but I refused to wet the bed. I wasn’t a toddler who couldn’t control my bladder. I’d rather use the facilities then disgrace myself. Once the dizziness slowly passed, I braced myself on the chair by the bed and attempted to stand.   
  
Let me tell you, that was not a good idea. The dizziness returned along with this exceedingly week feeling I was not used to. I felt myself losing balance and beginning to fall. Not backwards towards the soft bed, but forwards. I knew the floor was coming up to meet my face and head, mentally bracing myself for the impact but I never met it.   
  
A pair of arms caught me before I smashed into the ground and heard Jesse’s familiar voice, that liquid rich chocolate sound curse. “ _ Nombre de Dios.” _ __   
  
Next thing I know I am back in the bed, my vision clearing and his dark brown eyes looking at me with deep concern. His face was much too close and my breath caught in my throat. For a moment, I forgot that he had betrayed me, so caught up in his eyes and the way I felt. But then the world came crashing back and I shut myself off and hid from him.   
  
“What the hell were you trying to do, Susannah?” He demanded angrily.   
  
For a moment I forgot why I had gotten up in the first place but then my bladder again made itself clear. “I was trying to get up to use the restroom. Jake isn’t anywhere within hearing distance.” I explained. “I don’t really want to humiliate myself by wetting the bed. I have had enough humiliation to last me a lifetime recently so I wanted to save whatever pride and dignity I have left.”   
  
“You could’ve called for me, Susannah.” He said.   
  
“I thought you had left for your shift already and I don’t want your help, Dr. De Silvia.” I snapped pushing him away to get some distance between us.   
  
“It’s either me or you pee yourself.” He pointed out.   
  
Sighing, I begrudgingly took his help. I sat up on the edge of the bed again and waited until the dizziness passed again. Once my vision cleared I looked up at Jesse, who had a frown of concern on his face. It was obvious that he still cared for me despite how he’d hurt me but I ignored that for now.   
  
I grabbed the chair again and made to stand once more but this time Jesse put his arm around my waist, making my stomach flutter nervously. He was touching my belly, a belly that would be changing soon, growing our child that was my secret for the moment. It was an emotional moment for me since he wasn’t exactly touching it as a man happy to become a father but as my concerned but estranged doctor husband, making sure I could go to the bathroom.   
  
Unable to hold them, tears slipped silently down my face as he helped me to the bathroom. I hid them well for once I got into bathroom and could hold on to the counter with my back turned to him. He couldn’t see my face.   
  
“I’ll wait outside. Call for me when you are done.” He said and left the room.   
  
I sat down on the toilet and let my bladder go as I cried. I didn’t allow myself to make a single whimper, sniffle, or sob not wanting him to hear how much he affected me with his being here, what his help was causing me.   
  
Once I was done peeing, I sat there a few minutes to collect myself and wipe away the evidence of my tears, glad that the bathroom sink was close by and that I could simply reach over to use it.   
  
I did so and washed my face, making it seem like me scrubbing my face was the reason for my suddenly puffy eyes. Once I was sure my emotions were hidden other than the pain from my head was present on my face I called out to him. “I’m ready.” I said, as I pulled up my underwear, not bothering to pull up the slacks I’d had on since last night. It was easier to leave them off so I wouldn’t have to move too much the next time I needed the toilet.   
  
Jesse entered again, his eyes widening at my half naked lower body. He stared at my ass for a moment, which normally would end up with me pushing it out a little to entice him but the tradition was never going to happen again because even if he did want to come back to me, I would never trust him nor would I ever forgive him.   
  
“My face is up here, Dr. De Silvia.” I snapped at him.   
  
He flinched as I broke him out of his staring. His eyes met mine for a moment before he looked away. He came forward and grabbed my arm, putting it around his neck and taking most of my weight as we slowly walked back to the bed.   
  
Once back in, I sighed glad that I was no longer dizzy from being on my feet. “Thank you.” I said with an emotionless voice.   
  
“Susannah,” Jesse sat upon the edge of the bed and attempted to offer comfort by grabbing my knee. I yanked it away from his touch, feeling it down to my soul. You know, that touch that makes you feel on fire where they made contact? Yeah, I still felt it and it made my already broken heart shatter more.   
  
Jesse still cared for me but as a doctor not as anything else. My hormones started to kick in again, making my eyes tear up and ready to spill. “Just go.” I said brokenly.   
  
Sighing, Jesse got up and left the room. I broke and cried for a while before falling back to sleep.   
  
My doctor was the person to wake me up an hour or so later. She gave me a few minutes to fight off the grogginess before bringing in the ultrasound equipment. I was thankful to learn that Jesse had left directly after he had helped me; so getting the equipment in here was kept secret.   
  
“Why haven’t you told anyone yet?” Robbins asked as she put a condom and lube onto the wand.   
  
“It’s been a hectic couple days. I had it all planned about how to tell Jesse, only he didn’t come home that night saying he was staying for an emergency surgery case.” I began and told her all the rest, minus the ghosts trying to kill me part instead using the kidnapping murder story I had already told her and everyone else. To be honest I was surprised Jesse believed that story. He usually knew when it was ghosts and not actual humans but that just gave me a better understanding of how much he really wanted space. “I don’t trust him anymore, nor will I ever be able to forgive him. Jake is the only other person who knows and I’ve sworn him to secrecy.”   
  
“So what are you going to do?”   
  
“I’m going to give him his space and tell him when I’m ready to.” I said. “In the meantime I am going to focus on myself which is focusing on work, my health, and what I want.”   
  
“That’s a good idea. I hope you two work it out. He used to talk about you all the time in medical school. He was never so in love with someone. Couldn’t wait to become a doctor and marry you.” Robbins said with a fond smile.   
  
“Seems to have changed now. I don’t even know why he strayed. I never saw it coming, not from him.” I admitted. “So tell me, is everything okay Doc?”   
  
She had been inside with the wand for several minutes now and I was anxious. “You are perfectly fine. No harm has been done. Just be careful the next two months. Too much stress may make you miscarry.” She informed me.   
  
I breathed a sigh of relief. My bean was okay. She pulled the wand out, cleaned me up, and then packed up everything and left. She asked how my head was and I told her of my dizziness with standing. She prescribed another day of bed rest but gave me permission to eat something a little more solid.   
  
Once she was gone, I asked Jake for a list of books so that I could read instead of die from boredom. He brought me several along with his Xbox so that I could watch Netflix.   
  
I switched every few hours but eventually fell back to sleep. Or so I thought at first.   
  
I felt myself pulled from my body and looked down at it. Yep, I was a ghost at the moment. Alarm went through me as I wondered if I had died in my sleep from the concussion but I felt a pulse in my soul that signaled I wasn’t. Before I could even try to go back to my body I was yanked out of the compound and forced back into my house.   
  
“What in the hell?” I voiced, a slight tremor of fear coursing through me as I floated into the living room.   
  
“Hell is exactly where you will be headed once I find you.” One of the ghosts I feared whispered behind me eerily. “Make no mistake, you will die Simon.”   
  
“Not if I can help it. I sent you away once I can do so again.” I spat back. Though I was beyond frightened I was also angry. This bitch was again causing me problems, threatening me, making me worry over my family, my safety, and that of my growing bean. “Tell me, how is it that you came back?”   
  
“We made a deal with someone who wants you as dead as we do. We kill you and Hector, we get to be brought back to life.” She answered dumbly. This woman had one of those egos that said she was important, that she was superior, and would always get her way. But she made a mistake in telling me this. Cause now I knew I had to work hard to make sure that didn’t happen, if it was possible that is. I didn’t quite believe it but I didn’t discount it since going back in time had been and I had nearly lost everything then. “Only a matter of time before we find you.”   
  
  


  
  
  


I woke up the next morning with fear resonating deep in my soul. I didn’t know how I was going to deal with this one. I didn’t think another exorcism was going to work this time. I thought long and hard about it and decided to ask Jesse for help. As I was deciding this, he conveniently walked into my room.   
  
“How are you feeling today, Susannah?” He asked as he sat on the edge of the bed on my right.   
  
“Much clearer today. No dizziness and I can now get to the bathroom on my own.” I informed him.   
  
“That’s good.” He said. Nobody said anything after that, the room now filled with an awkward silence. I was still trying to figure out how to ask him for help but I sighed and decided to just do it.   
  
“Jesse, I need your help. There are two ghosts that I can’t take out on my own and I need you to help me with this Mediation. They are particularly violent and beyond anything I’ve ever seen.” I said, looking up at him with pleading eyes.   
  
“I can’t, Susannah. This is one of the reasons I need space. I don’t want to be a Mediator. I never wanted to be one but since I had already been dead I accepted it seeing it as my price to come back to life.” Jesse shook his head.   
  
“Jesse, please they are—“   
  
“No Susannah, don’t ask me again. I told you.” He got up on a frustrated growl and promptly left the room, dashing any hope of my surviving this away. Taking a shaky breath, I pulled the blankets off of me and got out of bed. I had to get out here, away from those I loved. If he wouldn’t help me I would just have to do it myself. I dressed quickly in the spare set of clothes I always had waiting for those nights I stayed the night. Once done I pulled my hair into a ponytail, grabbed my purse, my keys, and headed into the front room where Jake was currently sitting watching some show on the television.   
  
Jake rose in surprise at seeing me up and walking. Then his eyes widened as he took in my attire, purse, and keys. “You are not supposed to leave until tomorrow. Go get back in bed.” He ordered.   
  
“I can’t, Jake. I can’t take another minute in this house. I just want to go home. I promise I’ll stay there for the next few days.” I said. It was the truth. I needed distance between Jesse and myself, as well as to be as far away from here in the event that the Diego’s found me. I didn’t want anyone I loved getting hurt when they found me and I knew it was only a matter of time before they did. I needed to prepare, needed to think, and needed to protect myself without worrying about Jake, Gina, Jesse, or any other family member who might stop by randomly to visit Jake and Gina.   
  
“Call me when you get there then.” Jake said. “I will only let you go if you do this.”   
  
“Fine, but do you mind lending me a phone? Mine got lost during the incident.” I told him.   
  
Sighing, he took his personal one out of his pocket and handed it to me. He hugged me and then reluctantly let me go knowing I would leave with or without his approval.   
  
I got into my car and drove home to the apartment, not even bothering with going towards the house. Once home, I called Jake to let him know I’d arrived safely and then I called CeeCee’s Aunt Pru. I explained what I needed done to the apartment, my car, and workplace to start.   
  
She arrived thirty minutes later and did as I asked. She left as soon as she was done leaving me to my worried thoughts. I sat alone in the dark of my apartment having panic attacks about what to do. I had no idea. Them coming back after I had exercised them was something that had never been done. How do you get rid of ghosts that were intent on harming and killing people if you couldn’t perform an exorcism on them or use your gifts that allowed you to take them to the between world?   
  
I sat there all night trying to figure out what to do, not getting an ounce of sleep but I got up and got ready for work. I had already missed three days and I needed to return to work. Maybe it would help take my mind off of it for a while.   
  
On the way to work, Jake’s phone rang. “Hello?” I answered.   
  
“What the hell do you think you’re doing? You were supposed to be in bed another day and you disregarded it!” Jesse yelled at me through the phone.   
  
“I did rest, I simply went home to do so. I went where I was away from stress.” I replied just as heatedly as he did. “I’d think you’d be happy that I’m now out of your way. Didn’t you want space?”   
  
“Whether I wanted it or not I’m a doctor and you are my responsibility as my patient.” Jesse told me.   
  
“I am not your patient, Jesse. I have my own doctor whom I trust with my care more than I do you.” His comment about me being his patient hurt. I was hoping he would say something along the lines of how I was his wife and my well being was the most important to him, but my hopes were again crushed.   
  
“And what about these ghosts you asked my help in dealing with?”   
  
“Don’t worry about it. Anything related to ghosts is no longer your concern, Jesse. I will figure it out on my own just as I did way before you even came into my life. Relying on numeral Uno is what I’ve always done and I excel at it.” I told him as I waited for the light to signal for me to enter the freeway. “Now please let me get back to driving and go enjoy your space. Goodbye Jesse.”   
  
I hung up and concentrated on driving. I hated the freeway but it was necessary in California seeing as we had a large population across the whole state. Luckily for me I only had five miles to go to get to the school from my apartment.   
  
I was there walking into the building several moments later heading straight for my office. Sister Ernestine was just walking out of her office as I came in. She gave me a small smile, one that would’ve scared me as a teenager but had changed once I helped put a bad priest behind bars for molesting female nuns and children, a result of a child ghost I’d had several years ago. After helping a student who had been a victim of his and another man’s harassment, the Sister warmed to me. She even confided in me now and then.   
  
Yes, I was good with the students (who’d have thought?) and I have been a rather successful therapist for the school. I’ve saved several teens from suicide, helping them turn their lives around but none as rewarding then Becca. She was thriving, even had a small following of friends now. Under her stepmother’s care and my watchful eye she blossomed into a beautiful, charming, and quite a fashionable young lady. She was now a senior in high school and was set to go to a top university to study to be a therapist like myself but with a background in law to help girls like her who were sexually harassed by bad men that preyed upon children.   
  
As the day progressed, my mind was indeed distracted for a while and soon it was lunch. I chose not to eat since my stomach was a bit queasy. Morning sickness is a bitch. I was done with work in few more hours and dreading going home to a lonely apartment. I desperately wished CeeCee was around but she had moved away a couple months ago, following Adam back to Arizona where he was currently employed as a star defense attorney.   
  
Sighing, I grabbed my purse and turned off the lights of my office before heading out to my car. I stopped as I saw a shadowy figure standing beside it; fear engulfing me thinking it was Felix. But then I relaxed slightly seeing it was only Jesse.   
  
“What do you want?” I snapped glaring at him as I pulled my keys from my purse.   
  
“You shouldn’t be back at work, yet.” He stated as a demanding doctor. “You’re supposed to be at home resting.”   
  
“I’m fine.” I bristled as I unlocked by car door. “My head is no longer fuzzy, nor does it pound in agony, and no longer am I nauseous, Dr. De Silvia. ”   
  
I moved to lower myself into my car but Jesse blocked my path. Feeling my fury rise up in me at him for not letting my leave, I gave him a glare, that if magic were possible it would’ve frozen him in an instant.   
  
“Anything else?” I hissed.   
  
“I am here to talk as you wanted to do so the other day.” He said, his eyes searching my face trying to figure me out.   
  
“If its about my health then I just said everything that needed to be said.” I said.   
  
“What did you want to tell me?” He asked.   
  
“Nothing.” I said, not allowing him to break through my impenetrable walls. “Goodbye, Dr. De Silvia.” I pushed him out of the way and lowered myself into my car. I made to close my door but he again kept me from trying to leave. “You know, for someone wanting space you sure are all up in my own.”   
  
“I’m just trying to be here for you.” He said.   
  
“Why? Because you feel guilty? You left me Jesse. You’re the one strayed and spouted this bullshit about needing space, not me. I didn’t even know anything was wrong with us because you stopped talking to me or listening in.” I let loose with my fury and pain. “You’re not my doctor Jesse. I have one. One who understands my medical history more than you ever will.”   
  
“You’re my wife. I will always care about your wellbeing and I think you should be home and resting.” Jesse said stubbornly.   
  
I huffed and rose from my car, straightening into my full height with the help of the thigh high-heeled boots that allowed me to be the same height as him. I squared my shoulders and saw his eyes widen. He knew what I was doing. It was what I did when I was challenging a ghost. “I don’t care what you think any more. Whatever this is, you can stop. I don’t want your help with my health. I don’t trust you anymore so leave me alone.”   
  
I pushed him away and lowered myself back into the car and slammed my door shut. I started the car, revving the engine before I reversed, again doing so carefully and sped away. I didn’t look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for so much rearranging. I have had to go change a few things and space it out a bit more since the direction I’m going for is changed slightly.


	6. Planning and Shopping?

Chapter 5: Suze’s POV

A couple days later, after spending time just going to work and home to the apartment, I begrudgingly came up with something to possibly help me with the Diego’s.   
  
I had spent the better part of the next week and a half weighing the pros and cons of it but after work on Friday, I drove three hours to the one person I hoped I would never need to ask for help.   
  
Generally I didn’t care for him since he had done everything in his power to obtain me as a prize throughout high school and even into our early twenties before I’d finally married Jesse.   
  
And I now sat in my car on the curb outside the large gated mansion in another part of California. Paul Slater. I grimaced at that name, wishing I had any other alternative. Knowing Paul, he would use this to his advantage and most likely want me to sleep with him.   
  
He was still on the hottest bachelors of the United States list. I’d heard he’d gone to rehab a year or so ago but thought it was just a rumor. Paul loved his pills as much as he loved his alcohol. He was the exact party playboy guy he’d been since high school.   
  
Sighing, I drove into the driveway just outside of the gate. There was a camera focused on my car. I rolled down my window just as a man asked who I was. A security guard no doubt.   
  
“Suze Simon to see Paul Slater.” I said into the speaker. I offered my maiden name, not wanting to use my married name right then since it was a painful subject. I was most likely going to end up going back to it soon anyway especially when I met with my attorney next week and began the proceedings for getting a divorce.   
  
As I thought all of this the security guy was rustling around probably calling his boss. While I sat there, my mind went back to thinking about what Paul would want from this exchange and if it was to get into my pants I found myself entertaining the idea. If my relationship with Jesse was over why shouldn’t I enjoy a fling with the man who’d been in love with me since high school? It would be the perfect revenge and I so did love getting revenge on anyone who decided to wrong me, Paul being exhibit A. I didn’t really want his help in fighting the ghosts necessarily but I did want to go through all of his grandfather’s research about shifters and ghosts. I was hoping to find something in them to help me send the Diego’s back into hell where they belonged. I also wanted to make sure they’d never be able to leave again.   
  
“Suze Simon?” Paul’s melodic voice crackled through the intercom with surprise. He was clearly shocked to hear by me being at his front gate. “Why’d you give him Simon rather than De Silvia?”   
  
“Long story.” I said into the speaker. “Are you going to grant me entrance or not?”   
  
“Of course.” He said. “My apologies.”   
  
The gate opened slowly and I drove through a moment later taking in his expansive estate. Why he needed all this space when I knew he didn’t use it was beyond me. He had a stable with horses with quite a few acres for them to roam. I drove down the long driveway until I came up to his large house. It was three stories with who knew how many rooms.   
  
I got out of my car after parking in the round curve that would take me back out to the gate again. Paul was standing on his front porch an obviously bewildered but excited expression on his face.   
  
He looked much the same as when I’d last seen him, his dark hair longer and slicked back. He wore sweatpants and a white t-shirt over his well-muscled body. Clearly he still kept in shape even if he was a drug addict or whatever. Last time I’d seen him he had said he popped pills like candy along with the amount of alcohol he consumed. He was the complete playboy billionaire.   
  
He led me up to the front door and into his lavish home that didn’t impress me much. I liked making my home feel like such with a more colorful and lived in feel. My house that I had won from him three years ago through blackmailing him in regards to his twin daughters he had with Debbie Mancuso was done up in a tasteful gothic Victorian style with splashes of colors here and there throughout. My kitchen for instance was a creamy yellow to brighten it up and my bathrooms were an aqua blue. Mine and Jesse’s room was the only room that was slightly different. It still held the gothic theme like our living room did but had a darker feel to it that fit my personality to a tee. His too since he’d been a ghost for a hundred and fiftyish years.   
  
The only thing that did impress me about Paul’s home was the indoor pool and hot tub. I was sure I’d like his bathrooms too but wasn’t about to go looking unless it was the guest one used for parties.   
  
“So what brings you to my neck of the woods?” He asked as we entered his living room, if one could call it that. I sat upon the sofa, him sitting next to me. I felt slightly uncomfortable because one it was Paul, a guy I’d been fighting off since the end of my junior year in high school and a good portion of my college days. Two, I was not sure I even wanted to be with another man, much less Paul, even though I was entertaining the idea of revenge. I also don’t really know how I’d feel fucking Paul when I was pregnant. I felt like I’d be tainting my pregnancy. So I’d have to be treading carefully. “I thought with that very clever bit of blackmail on me you never wanted to see me again.”   
  
“I didn’t,” I answered honestly. “But I’m in a bit of a deathly ghost problem, something I’ve never encountered before. I need your grandfather’s research to figure out if there’s a way to get rid of them since simply shifting them up to that creepy hallway or exorcising them is out of the equation.”   
  
Paul frowned with disappointment. He’d been hoping it was something else that had brought me here. Like me finally choosing him over Jesse, which was technically in the cards now even though I wasn’t going to tell him that.   
  
“Always with the ghosts.” He sighs. “That’s the only reason you ever want to chat with me. I should’ve guessed. What situation is too out of hand for Suze Simon, er—De Silvia, I mean?”   
  
“The Diego’s are back. They nearly killed me last week.” I showed him the bruises on my neck from the cord and my fingers trying to claw for air. Showed him my right hand that hand no fingernails on at least three of the appendages. My thumb and my ring finger were the only ones to escape the gruesome story of how I’d clawed at the floor to try to stop myself from being dragged.   
  
Paul paled and swore as he saw the results of that encounter. “How are they back?” he asked.   
  
“I don’t know. One of them said that they made a deal with somebody in the spiritual plain that granted them the ability to come back into ghostly forms and kill me.” I told him. “I exorcised them last time so they shouldn’t even be able to come back at all but they have and they’re hell bent on killing Jesse and I.”   
  
“What does lover boy have to say about it?”   
  
“Nothing, cause he doesn’t know.” I looked away from him, my heart clenching in pain at the memory of the sudden guilt on his face when I had accused him of ignoring the Mediator-ghost bond between us. I had been right about that accusation and it furthered my loss of trust in my estranged husband.   
  
“What?” Paul’s jaw dropped. “How does he not know? You two tell each other everything or as close to it as possible before coming clean eventually.”   
  
He saw my reaction then, the further sorrow and loss in my eyes.   
  
“Trouble in paradise?” he asked.   
  
“We are taking space from one another at the moment. Nothing too serious,” I lied not wanting him to get hopeful for him and I getting together. “So what will it be to gain access to your grandfather’s notes?”   
  
I wanted to get this done with. I didn’t want to be here any longer, nor did I want him to see exactly how heartbroken I was about Jesse and I. I didn’t want to talk about it with him or anyone for that matter.   
  
“Oh Suze, what happened?” He asked gently. My eyes snapped to his in surprise. His voice had actually sounded concerned. A look of concerned sadness showed in his face, his blue eyes soft and caring. This threw me through the roof because Paul had always been a jackass when it came to this type of emotion. He’d always used it to get what he wanted rather than out of genuine concern to me or anyone else who cared for him, like his younger brother.   
  
I studied his face for a few moments and then I burst into tears. His face changed to one of horror before he awkwardly took me in his arms and laid my head against his chest. He floundered for a moment, not used to comforting anyone since he’d always been too selfish to even try to do so.   
  
I cried, something I absolutely hated above all else as anyone who knew me well knew. My hormones were all over the place and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I had been doing so for a week and a half with nobody to talk to other than Jake and he didn’t even know everything because well he would think I was mad when it came to ghosts. But Paul, he did know everything. Had been there for a good portion of what I went through to have Jesse as he was now. He’d even tried to disrupt mine and Jesse’s life by going back in time to save him, which resulted in me bringing his living body back to the present several years ago.   
  
I told him through heart wrenching sobs what I had found out, me being pregnant and wanting to surprise Jesse. How I’d planned a lovely dinner, cooking his favorite thing and how I’d had the test and the sonogram sitting on his plate. Told him about the text he’d sent me and how I’d gone to the hospital to support him only to be blindsided by him kissing that blond bitch and the fight that ensued at home. I told him everything from the attack from the Diego’s and Jesse doctoring me, about the Mediator-ghost bond.   
  
He listened, something that was strange for him, and held me trying to give comfort even though he felt like he didn’t know how. Finally, I stopped crying and just sat there in his arms and felt slightly at peace for the first time since everything happened.   
  
“Well I guess you being pregnant means you’re off limits forever. I can’t compete with him with that.” He said with a dejected sigh. “I’ll help you.”   
  
“What do you want for it? I’ll sleep with you if that’s what it’ll take to hopefully find a way to send them back to wherever I’d sent them the first time.” I said, lifting myself away from him.   
  
“No. I am not going to expect anything this time. I’ll help as a friend this time and nothing more.”   
  
“What?” I looked at him in shock. “Why?”   
  
“Look, I know you have no reason to trust me after everything I’ve done trying to keep you two apart but I am not the man I was three years ago. I’m still the playboy but I’m not going to take advantage of a heartbroken and scared pregnant woman.” He said.   
  
“I- I don’t know what to say,” I sputtered.   
  
“Don’t say anything, Suze,” he sighed. “It’s going to take me at least several days to get all of my grandfather’s research together. I’ll call you when I have it ready. You can come over and we’ll start going through it together to try and find something. Are you protected against any encounters?”   
  
“I have relocated to my apartment for the time being, the house being the focal point of where they’re at presently. Sister Ernestine and Aunt Pru have both blessed my apartment. I’ve also done my own protection with salt and tinctures to keep them away. My car, too, has some measure of protection but who knows what exactly works or not.” I told him.   
  
Paul nodded, thinking. “We could get you spiritual guards if you’d like. Remember when I had those guys in high school try to stop you from leaving my home at the time?”   
  
I nodded, grimacing as I remembered what had happened after with my feet being destroyed for the next week after that. I had been angry at him for enslaving them and I knew I didn’t want that.   
  
“No,” I shook my head. “I don’t like enslaving them.”   
  
Paul flinched, regret showing in his eyes. Maybe he had changed a bit since the last I’d seen him. Maybe he had gone to rehab. It seemed he didn’t like how he’d been before.   
  
“It’s an option and we can always summon those who’d be interested in it. You could help them afterwards find what they need to move on.” He suggested.   
  
“If my blessings and other means of protection fails I’ll consider it.” I said, raising from the couch.   
  
He rose with me and we walked to the front door. “Thank you, Paul. I don’t know why you are helping me but I appreciate it.”   
  
“Be careful, Suze. Text me to let me know you got home alright.”   
  
I gave him an awkward hug and then walked off his porch to my car. I was in it a second later driving away and heading toward home.   
  
I made it back to Carmel three hours later, stopping at the grocery store. I picked up several things for my week, getting everything my body was currently craving. Most of it, to my surprise, was veggies with chicken, steak, and a vegetarian lasagna . I did however grab dill pickles, which I wanted to eat just from the jar alone right when I get home. My taste buds hummed in anticipation.   
  
As I was coming up to my apartment to unlock my door, my hands full of groceries when my cell rang. I rushed to the kitchen counter setting them down in a huff and just barely answered it on the last ring before it went to voicemail.   
  
“Hello?” I greeted the person not knowing who it was since I was busy trying to not drop anything.   
  
“Oh Suzie!” My mom’s voice whined into my ear.   
  
“Uh, hi mom,” I greeted her with a bit of confusion. My mom sounded a little distraught.   
  
“Jake told me Jesse and you are having problems right now,” she cleared my confusion up quickly. “What’s going on?”   
  
“Mom, I don’t really want to talk about this right now.” I sighed.   
  
“But Suzie, you two aren’t even living in the same place right now. That tells me something isn’t right. I just want to see if you need me.”   
  
“He’s having an affair with someone from the hospital, mom,” I broke for the second time that day. I really did need her and I told her everything, all about how I’d found I was pregnant. Going through the whole conversation I’d already had with Paul just a few hours before minus the ghost stuff.   
  
“Oh Suzie, I’m sorry.” She said into the phone. “Does he know about the baby?”   
  
“No. I never got a chance to tell him and now I’m not ready to. I’d appreciate it if you’d keep this just between you and I for now. I’m not ready to tell anyone.” I told her, sniffling into the phone. “I need time to figure out what I want and need. Jesse said he needed space to have this fling and to be honest I don’t think I’d be able to go back to him.”   
  
“Oh sweetie, I hope you figure it out. I promise to keep it between us and Jake since I assume he knows. He hinted at something when we talked.” My mom said. “Are you living in the house?”   
  
“No, I’m at my apartment.” I said.   
  
We talked a bit more before I told her I needed to put away my groceries and make my dinner. We hung up and for a moment I cried in my apartment by myself wishing I had him here like I used to.   
  
I cried while I put my groceries away, my mind numb as my heart cried it’s agony.   
  
Once done I sat there trying to gain control over my emotions. It took some time but I finally did. I didn’t feel like making dinner any longer and simply took the jar of pickles out and brought it to the living room and set it on the coffee table. I then went to the hall closet and pulled out one of my favorite fuzzy blankets that I had kept for the tenants I had on occasion. I pulled them to the couch and curled up underneath them and proceeded to eat the jar of pickles as my dinner before falling asleep to the TV.   
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  


The next morning I awoke abruptly, flinging the blankets off me and ran to the bathroom where I puked my guts up. It was four in the morning like it had been for the last week since I’d found out about my pregnancy. I seemed to be on a schedule with my morning sickness in the mornings, which I wasn’t exactly complaining about because it gave me time to compose myself before going to work. However, today I had the day off since it was Saturday. I was glad too cause my body was not up to going in today. I was cramping, exhausted, and my breasts ached like nothing I’d ever felt before.   
  
After throwing up, I made my way to my bed not bothering to go back to the living room and fell back to sleep not waking up again until around two in the afternoon. My stomach growled like it was a monster and it broke the absolute silence in my room. I rose groggily and made a pit stop in the bathroom to pee before going to the kitchen to make breakfast. I made a feast of eggs, bacon, sausage links, hash browns, and orange juice. After eating I took my prenatal vitamins and cleaned up after myself.   
  
Once done, I didn’t know exactly what to do with myself since I usually did stuff with Jesse, my family, or Gina. But since I didn’t really want to talk to anyone other than those I’d already told and being with Jesse was out of the question I just sat there in silence.   
  
I began thinking about what I had liked to do as a teenager and found I hadn’t really done much since I was always going after ghosts that wouldn’t leave me alone or doing homework for school. I’d hung out with CeCe and Adam at the beach a lot in the early days of me moving to Carmel but they were no longer living in California.   
  
Shopping was something I did a lot back then but hated it since it was in a mall. I still hated the mall but right now it sounded like an interesting idea especially since I was going to be a mother soon. Maybe window-shopping for baby things would cheer me up. I would also need new clothes soon since my body would be changing in the next few weeks.   
  
I showered, dressed choosing to wear my favorite black Panic At The Disco band t-shirt. I paired it with black skinny jeans, a black choker and my black sketchers. I looked longingly at my black boots but today my body wasn’t feeling it. I was still cramping and my back was tense and aching like I had lifted something up the wrong way.   
  
I blow-dried my long brunette hair, brushing it a bit before flipping it to give me a naughty rocker chick vibe. I decided to put on a dark cherry lipstick and did my eyes in a dark smoky eyes look that made my brown eyes look sultry. Satisfied with my appearance I grabbed my purse and left my apartment.   
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
It took a half hour to get to the mall. It was located near the hospital where Jesse worked and for a moment I started regretting my decision to go shopping. But I wasn’t about to let him make me feel like I couldn’t go to my local mall. I wasn’t about to drive an hour to go to the other one in the next city.   
  
I parked my car in the hospital parking lot closest to the mall entrance. The mall lot was beyond packed and this was preferable to me anyway since I didn’t like large crowded parking lots. I walked across the street and into the mall a few moments later.   
  
At first I just looked at all of the shops, not actually going in to them but then I saw a bookshop. I always loved to read and I hadn’t really done so in a long time. I walked in and perused the isles until I came upon the section for pregnancy. There were so many different books on the subject and I chose a few. One that would explain what I was experiencing each week as I progressed, one about childbirth, and one with recipes with what I’d possibly start craving soon.   
  
I purchased them and left the store. I kept looking at the different shops until I came upon a baby store itself. Unable to stop myself, I entered the shop and began looking through it all. I looked at all the different types of furniture wondering exactly what I would need. They didn’t just have furniture though and soon I was looking at the clothes feeling myself becoming emotional as I pictured some of the clothes on the child I’d conjured in my mind. I had two versions, one a girl and the other a boy.   
  
“First child?” A voice spoke from behind and startling. I turned around and saw a middle age woman standing there with a warm smile.   
  
I nodded unable to speak.   
  
“How far along?”   
  
“I just found out last week or so ago. My doctor said I’m most likely four or five weeks.” I said.   
  
“Very early in then. Have you set up a registry yet?”   
  
“No. I don’t even know what I need.” I admitted feeling very overwhelmed all of a sudden.   
  
“Is your husband excited?” She nodded towards my wedding rings and I gulped as my control over my emotions wavered. A few tears escaped and rolled down my cheeks. The woman’s face changed to one of concern.   
  
I shook my head, unable to speak or say anything about my circumstances. I didn’t really want to talk about it either.   
  
“Oh, I’m sorry.” The woman grimaced and quickly changed the subject. “Why don’t we get your mind off whatever you are going through and shop a little? Turn that sorrow into one of happiness? Babies are a blessing and you should be feeling excited about this rather than hurting. Let’s see if we can help that change a little.”   
  
She held out her arm in a friendly gesture and I took it. We spent the next hour with her explaining what everything was for, the changing station to the breast pumps to milk myself when I couldn’t breastfeed, to looking at all the different types of cribs and bassinets. All of this made me forget about my marriage for a bit and had me focusing on what I wanted exactly. But before I could make these decisions I needed to make another doctor appointment and talk to my doctor about these options.   
  
I also realized that at some point I’d want my mother’s advice too. I felt a momentary pang of regret over not having Jesse there with me looking at all of this but I dashed it away as I saw a gray nursery set I absolutely fell in love with. Instantly, I saw the room that Brad had once called his decorated and filled with this exact set.   
  
“I’ll take this whole set.” I said to the woman immediately. “Is there a layaway option for it? I’m gonna want to have some time before picking it up and whatnot.”   
  
“Of course. We can set up a pick up date if you want to pay it outright.”   
  
“Would someone be able to deliver it?” I asked.   
  
“Yes.”   
  
“I have most of the funds now so I’d like to break it up into five payments, if that is available.”   
  
I walked out of the store ten minutes later five-hundred dollars less than I had before and not regretting any of it. I used our joint account knowing that he made more than I did and we had over six thousand in there. I had my own account with emergency savings and at least three thousand to spend on whatever. It would come in handy over the next few months as my clothes stopped fitting and I needed new ones.   
  
Thinking on that, I ventured off towards the maternity store next. I walked in and looked through the clothes, picking out several cute ones that I would need when I was around five or six months but then I went up to the attendant asking for things that would hide my pregnancy until I could figure out how to get the Diego’s gone and when I was ready to reveal it to Jesse and the rest of my family and friends.   
  
The lady helped me with a knowing eye. Smiling as she talked about the fun ways she heard other women reveal it to their husbands and families.   
  
I nodded and smiled, keeping my emotions in check since I couldn’t exactly tell her my reasons to keep it secret.   
  
I left the store a half hour later and decided that was enough for one day but then I saw these amazing corsets in another store that I just couldn’t pass up. I went in and bought about ten different ones. Some of them would be perfect for ghost busting and the others would be just fun to wear especially if I was single now. I also bought a few dresses all conforming to my curves in some way or pushing up my boobs in others. I’d always had a healthy opinion of my body, loving my curves and boobs. I ate healthily and sometimes not but made up for it with exercise.   
  
I walked out of that store with a beaming smile, the first in almost a week and headed back to my car. It was dark now, the parking lot mostly empty, it being pretty late making me realize I’d spent more time at the mall today than I’d had in my entire teenage life and had enjoyed it. I had spent at least a thousand or so on this spree, something I clearly needed to do if only just to make myself feel better. I was feeling more cheerful and packed my truck up with a gusto before turning and feeling it all drain from me as fear flashed through me in just a second.   
  
Felix stood there with a sadistic smile on his face making my heart pound. I instantly rose to my full height, squaring my shoulders preparing myself to fight for my life and that of my little bean.   
  
I projected confidence even though I didn’t feel it at all.   
  
“Well there goes my great day,” I said with a huff as I shut my trunk and looked at my nails, choosing to lean against it as if relaxed in his presence even though I felt no such thing. I was still coiled to attack or defend myself if I needed to, every nerve and muscle on high alert.   
  
“I finally found you,” he said. “I have to say you looked ravishing in those corsets you tried on. I appeared just as you were trying them on.”   
  
A gleam appeared in his eyes I didn’t like as he looked up and down my body with lust. Another wave of fear along with intense disgust rushed through me at that gleam and I knew if I didn’t get away from him this time I was in for more than just a fight for my life. This man obviously had been no gentleman during when Jesse and he had been alive.   
  
“And what would your wife have to say about the way you’re looking at me?” I asked, still keeping my cool. How, I didn’t know but if this had been a movie scene I would have won an award for this show.   
  
“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. As you can see she isn’t here presently.” He said, that nasty grin getting wider on his face. “I have missed doing whatever I wanted to whomever while I was alive and I’ll have so much fun doing the same to you now.”   
  
He made his move then, disappearing and then reappearing on my right. I had been ready for him though and twisted away from him before he could grab me. I kicked him as I did so, a sort of chick kick like Trish Stratus used as her finisher when she’d been a part of the WWE. I had adapted it into my fighting technique over the years.   
  
“I’ll fight you with every breath in my body before I allow you to even so much as touch these curves. They don’t belong to you.” I said confidently, a fire lighting my eyes.   
  
“They belong to Hector and I am so going to enjoy tasting what only he has tasted.” My kick had shocked him but he regained his composure quickly and gave me that evil smirk again.   
  
This time he made to grab at me, but tricked me by disappearing and reappearing behind me. He grabbed me around the waist and threw me into the car with supernatural force that had my back slamming into my bumper and hitting my head against the trunk. I saw stars for a moment and knew I was probably going to have another concussion if I got out of this alive somehow.   
  
He moved again, grabbing me by my hair and lifting me up with his superhuman strength. I instinctively grabbed my hair, trying to keep him from ripping it off my head. I grunted in pain, my head throbbing from the smack into my car. He held me there moving his hands down my chest in a lusty caress that had bile rising in my throat.   
  
I used my legs to bounce off him and in his surprise he let go ahead of my hair with the intention of seizing my legs. I was too fast for him and flipped back off of him and landed on the asphalt perfectly.   
  
We did a few dances like this for a while before he tricked me and used his supernatural force to slam me to the asphalt and held me there squirming to get free. It was no use and just like I had that night last week I suddenly felt myself edging towards what would be my inevitable death. But he wasn’t going to kill me first. He wanted to rape me, maybe as he strangled me.   
  
He pawed at my shirt, trying to raise it up and succeeding in revealing my bra-covered breasts. I kept trying to fight, trying to free myself somehow.   
  
The whole time of this fight I was glad he hadn’t gone anywhere near my stomach, mostly because I defended it vigorously making sure he didn’t cause me to miscarry. But now he was sitting directly on it, making me very uncomfortable as he pawed at my body. His hands were headed to my jeans when suddenly a force smashed into him, taking him off me immediately.   
  
I scrambled to my feet, not looking back once to see what had freed me. I picked up my purse frantically digging for my keys before unlocking my car and locking myself inside.   
  
I looked into my rearview mirror then but nobody was there. Felix and whatever had helped me had disappeared. I started shaking then, my fear taking place over the adrenaline. I burst into sobs and started hyperventilating. I reached into the back of my seat for the Burger King bag I had thrown back there a couple days ago to use as a trash bag later and dumped the wrappers I had in them out and brought it to my mouth to huff and puff into to try and calm myself down.   
  
I don’t know how long I sat there like that but a tap on the window had me shrieking in fright, afraid that Felix had come back. I looked up in fear at whomever was there to see Jesse there. He had an eyebrow raised with curiosity but it was quickly quelled as he saw my fear, and then he paled.   
  
“Susannah? Are you okay? What’s going on?” He asked loudly so I could hear him through my car.   
  
I didn’t answer him and instead I went back to huffing and puffing in the bag because he had frightened me back into my full-blown panic attack.   
  
“Susannah, I can feel your fear and panic pouring through me in waves. What’s going on?” Jesse began again. “Susannah, open the door and tell me what’s wrong.”   
  
I began shaking again at the idea of opening that door. I was safe inside my car. I had the blessings and tincture of herbs in here keeping anything ghostly out.   
  
“What happened to the back of your car?” He asked as he noticed the huge dent in it where my body had smashed into it.   
  
I needed to calm down or the stress from all of this would have worse things happening. I would surely miscarry but I couldn’t seem to calm down because I didn’t feel safe. Fear for my baby took over everything else that had just happened. What if it was already dead inside me? What if the impact against my car and the asphalt harmed it? I’d kept my stomach as defended as possible but what if it harmed it anyway?   
  
I could already feel the pain in my back set in. I was going to be bruised and my head was pounding.   
  
Suddenly, a click sounded in my car making my eyes go wide with panic and for a moment I thought my protection in the car failed and Felix was back for round three, possibly bringing Maria with him this time. My car door opened a moment later and I instinctively sent fists towards it, fighting for my life again.   
  
“ _ Nombre De’ Dios!  _ ” his chocolate velvet voice cursed as my fist connected with I don’t know what part of him. I wasn’t really seeing anything I was hitting, my mind in too much of a panic to process what was going on. But then my arms were captured by a set of hands and trapped in one as the other one pulled me against a familiar warm body until my arms were confined against a muscled chest. I struggled, trying to break free of his hold. “Susannah, stop it’s me.”   
  
Jesse’s voice was against my ear and I stilled. The shaking started again and he cursed in Spanish again.   
  
“Susannah,” he whispered pulling me away slightly and taking my face in his hands, cupping my cheeks. “Calm down. I’m here. Your safe.”   
  
I burst into tears because I did feel safe, I was in his arms something that I missed so desperately. Everything I had been through over the last week I cried out into his arms and I hated myself for it. I didn’t want to be here, not when even though he smelled like himself he also smelled like her.   
  
“What happened,  _ Querida _ ?” he asked gently wiping my tears from my cheeks. I pretty sure my makeup was running down my face by now and I hated that I looked like that right now.   
  
Finally, the anger began to set in. Anger at having to fend for myself against Felix, anger at him for cheating on me and ruining everything I had fought so hard for already, and angry because I wasn’t even able to be fully excited about my pregnancy and have him there to help me.   
  
“What do you think?” I snapped out, pulling away. I was still shaking from the fear but allowed my anger to calm me down. “I told you already and when I asked for help you refused to help. This time it was only one, the male and we fought it out until I was held down by his supernatural abilities, powerless against him.”   
  
The gravity of everything hit me. I was almost raped. Not by anyone living but by a ghost and nobody would’ve been able to help me because they couldn’t see it. I would’ve been raped as he strangled me and if it wasn’t for whatever had knocked him off me I would’ve lost. I was in over my head and I knew then that I would indeed need bodyguards of the ghostly variety for when I was outside my apartment, work, or my car.   
  
I whimpered as I remembered him touching me and I suddenly couldn’t stand Jesse touching me either. He had taken my arms in his hands, trying to offer comfort again but I couldn’t handle it. I pushed him away and wrapped my arms around myself, crumbling into a place I didn’t know I’d ever be able to climb out of. In one night my self-love I had for my body turned into self-loathing for it instead. I didn’t want it anymore.   
  
He reached out again. “Please don’t touch me. I can’t stand it right now.”   
  



	7. Feelings Still There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse drives Susannah home surprised she isn’t staying at their house. She asks him to stay to make sure she isn’t concussed again and things get a little heated.

Chapter 6: Jesse’s POV   
  
I panicked as I saw something I had never seen come into Susannah’s eyes. I don’t know what it was but it wasn’t good. All in a matter of seconds she crumbled into herself and I tried to reach out to her again, wanting to comfort her.   
  
“Please don’t touch me. I can’t stand it right now,” she whispered and closed her eyes as if trying to erase whatever had happened before I’d walked out of the hospital to find her car parked all the way back here.   
  
“Susannah,” I whispered gently. “Let me drive you home.”   
  
She nodded, not fighting it. It was obvious she wasn’t in any shape to drive.   
  
She climbed into the passenger spot of her BMW allowing me to get into the driver’s spot. She handed me her keys with shaking fingers as I closed the door.   
  
“What about your car?” she asked.   
  
“I can take a cab back.” I told her as I started the ignition and put the car into drive. Soon we were on the road and I was heading back up to the house.   
  
“No,” she said. “You’re going the wrong way. I-I haven’t been staying at the house.”   
  
“Then whe-,” I answered my own question before I fully asked. “Your apartment?”   
  
Susannah nodded.   
  
“Why?”   
  
“I can’t,” she said the agony in her eyes and something else. She added hesitantly, “I needed to be where there wasn’t very many memories of us.”   
  
“Oh,” I said feeling guilty.   
  
We arrived at her apartment about half an hour later. Susannah got out of the car with a few pained hisses making me frown. Was she injured?   
  
“Are you okay?” I asked.   
  
“Nothing’s broken but I’ll be bruised for a week or so.” She admitted.   
  
I didn’t say anything since she obviously didn’t want to elaborate, her eyes holding a odd wariness of me, one that had never been there before tonight. It was like she expected me to do something inappropriate to her. She held out her hands for her keys and I gave them to her. She walked around to the back, opening her trunk to take out a lot of bag from all sorts of places. I didn’t pay much attention as she grabbed them out of the car. My mind was focused on the dent in her bumper wondering what the hell had happened to cause that, though deep down I knew. She’d been attacked by a ghost again.

  
She shut the trunk and made her way carefully up the stairs to the second floor where her apartment was located. I followed her just to make sure she got into the apartment safely. I waited until she unlocked the door before pulling out my phone to call a cab.   
  
“Um,” she whispered as she dropped her bags in the hall closet. “Would you please stay with me tonight?”   
  
“I don’t think so, Susannah.” I said, not sure us sleeping together was a good idea. Though, why I was refusing was beyond me. I’d been wanting to be near her since she had left me standing in the parking lot at the Mission Academy last week.   
  
“No,” she said with a blush. “I don’t mean like we were back together. My head hit into the car during the fight with an NCDP and I am afraid I might have another concussion. I am asking you to wake me up every hour.”   
  
“Oh.” I said, slightly disappointed that this was the only reason why. “Of course. I’ll sleep on the couch.”   
  
She smiled grimly and allowed me to enter the apartment. It looked the same as it had when we’d cleaned it after her last tenant had moved out of state. There were blankets already on the couch and an empty pickle jar on the coffee table, which had me raising and eyebrow at her. She wasn’t much of a pickle fan.   
  
Susannah flushed as she went to go dispose of it making me stand there with confusion. When she didn’t return I joined her in the kitchen to find her prepping something to cook. She was slicing vegetables as she waited for a frying pan to finish heating. Once ready she threw mushrooms and onions in it to cook as she began on pulling out cream cheese, garlic, heavy whipping cream, and noodles.   
  
My mouth watered as I realized she was making her famous alfredo sauce. Within minutes she was switching things around and letting the mushrooms and onions cool. She put that pan in the sink getting out two other pots, one to make the sauce and the other for the noodles.   
  
She started on the sauce first and when it was mostly in the creamy stage, she began boiling the noodles. About thirty minutes later everything was ready and she added the mushrooms to the mixture, leaving out the onions only using them to season the mushrooms a bit and dished out two bowls. She handed me one and then proceeded to take hers to the living room with a glass of apple juice, which was weird.   
  
Susannah loved wine and usually had one with any of the pastas she made for dinner.   
  
“No wine?” I asked.   
  
“Not in the mood,” she replied. I frowned. Since when was she not in the mood for alcohol? “You’re welcome to have some if you want it but I’ll stick with my juice.”   
  
She sat on the couch, putting her bowl on the coffee table for a moment as she fumbled under her shirt. She pulled her bra out from under it a second later, throwing it to the floor and then for a moment an involuntary shiver of fear went through her, and went pulsing through me. Whatever she went through tonight had her still shaken.   
  
Susannah regained her composure and bundled up in the blankets then and proceeded to eat her bowl of pasta, not waiting for me to join her.   
  
My phone rang at that moment and I looked at it. It was Rose and I hesitated to answer. Susannah glowered but said, “go ahead and answer it. I’m sure you had plans with her and she’ll be expecting you. I’m sorry for ruining your plans for tonight.”   
  
“You didn’t.”   
  
She snorted, “sure, I didn’t.”   
  
“Susannah, your health is more important that my plans with her.” I said.   
  
“Oh, just answer your damn phone.” She snapped.   
  
I didn’t. I sent the call to voicemail instead. I would text her after we ate. I came around the couch and sat down on the opposite end. I didn’t bundle up like she did but I did begin eating with her.   
  
Spike jumped up on the arm at that moment and I looked at her shocked. She had brought him over from the house.   
  
“You didn’t leave him?” I asked.   
  
“Of course not.” She frowned. “He may love you best but don’t forget he was my cat before yours. I would never leave him behind. I had debated whether or not to bring him to you but didn’t really want to intrude on you since you asked for space.”   
  
An awkward silence fell then and we both used the food as an excuse. She finished before me, devouring it in a few minutes before getting up to put her dish in the sink.   
  
Except that wasn’t what she did. Instead, she came back with a second bowl and devoured that too. I sat there shocked.   
  
“What?” she asked.   
  
“You usually never eat two helpings.”   
  
“Oh, I was hungry. I didn’t eat lunch. I was shopping and lost track of time.” She shrugged but she couldn’t look me in the eyes. Susannah always did that when she was hiding something from me.   
  
By the time she finished the second bowl I had finished mine. I debated going for a second helping myself. I loved her cooking and if I was honest I missed it. I wasn’t a good cook like she was.   
  
Susannah got up then and took her bowl back to the kitchen, this time placing it in the sink to soak. I had followed her in and grabbed a second helping.   
  
“I’m going to go take a bath,” she announced and brushed past me, leaving me to stand there by myself.   
  
Music filled the space a moment later, muffled by the closed door of the bathroom. It was a rock song of sorts by a band she obviously liked but I didn’t know who. I was more into country and jazz myself not liking a lot of the music in this era. But this group sounded interesting but it was obviously a song about dancing or so I thought from what I heard of the lyrics.   
  
But then the verses started and it had more meaning and she obviously connected to it. I stood there eating my second helping as I listened to the song, wondering if it was in regards to her fights against ghosts or was part of it about me as well. It could be interpreted to both.   
  
As I thought about it, I texted Rose saying that I was too tired to come over tonight. She sent back a couple of pouty emoji’s but said goodnight.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Suze’s POV:   
  
I started the music because I didn’t want him hearing me hissing and grunting with the pain I was feeling as I pulled my shirt over my head and removed my jeans.   
  
I looked at myself in the mirror to survey the damage to my back. I gasped as I saw the bruising that was already visible. I was definitely needing Tylenol, not just for the pain in my back but for my headache.   
  
The song changed then to another rock one and it cheered me up. It was a favorite of mine and always made me want to dance like a stripper. I let the song move me and pull me from that cage I’d somehow fallen into.   
  
My confidence and love for my body came back then and I was determined to not let some fucker make me fearful of it. I was a healthy woman and no man or ghost was going to make me feel like I was dirty because he wanted to desecrate it.   
  
Nobody was allowed to touch me in such a fashion without my permission. Instead of a bath, I decided to take a shower wanting to wash off the grime of Felix’s touch and didn’t want to be in too long.   
  
Sighing, I let the water fall over me allowing it to massage my aching body.   
  
I moved my hand over my belly protectively and prayed my little bean was still safe. I quickly washed my hair and body before getting out. I wrapped the towel around me and left the bathroom, going through the second door that led into my room. I dressed quickly, pulling on another band t-shirt and just a pair of underwear. I didn’t want to wear too much since it would press up against the bruises.   
  
I went back into the bathroom, toweling my hair a little bit and turning off the music. It was now on a country song with a rock flare to it, the only reason I liked it if I was honest.   
  
I hung up my towel and grabbed a fresh one, setting it on the counter for Jesse in case he wanted to shower too.   
  
I exited out into the hallway and made my way back into the living room. I stopped in my tracks as I was treated to a welcome sight. He had removed his doctor coat, white shirt, and tie leaving his back and chest bare. I forgot how hot he was and I felt my body hum with awareness of it.   
  
“Uh,” I shook myself trying to clear my head. I was obviously still attracted to my husband, part of it being because I still loved him, but the other part because he really was a hot specimen of a man. “I left a towel out for you in case you wanted to shower.”   
  
He looked at me, that eyebrow with the scar above it raising in a slightly amused expression until he took in my own attire. My legs were bare and my t-shirt just barely covered my panty-covered sex from view.   
  
“Thank you.” He said huskily. “Shall we check your eyes to see if you might have a concussion?”   
  
“Sure,” I whispered. “Where?”   
  
“The kitchen. The lighting will be better.”   
  
Jesse walked into it first and I noticed he’d done the dishes and had put away the leftovers. Once I was where he needed me, he brought up his pointer finger and had me follow it, along with a couple other things as he shined his doctor flash light on top of the bright kitchen light.   
  
“I don’t think you have one but I will wake you up every hour just to be safe.” He finally said.   
  
His eyes met mine and suddenly my heartbeat sped up. He was looking at me as he used to. With that hint of tenderness mixed with that fire of lust.   
  
Jesse caressed my cheek making my heart speed up to pounding. I closed my eyes wanting to lean into the caress but before I could he crashed his lips down to mine and I opened my eyes in complete surprise.   
  
My body came alive as his tongue played with my bottom lip, waiting for me to respond. I was standing there in shock since I hadn’t been expecting this at all. He was the one who had wanted to leave me and cheat but yet here he was kissing me as if it hadn’t happened at all. I hesitated not sure how to respond exactly. I moved slightly against his lips a little but I was still thinking of all he’d done to me.   
  
But all hesitation left me when he pulled my bottom lip into his mouth, sucking and nibbling on it and I groaned. I kissed back as my brain exploded in a series of fireworks, blasting away all my thoughts on why this was a bad idea. I met his tongue with my own in a needy and fiery duel unable to stop myself because I had always been unable to resist Jesse. As Edward Cullen said in Twilight to Bell, Jesse was like my own personal brand of Heroin.   
  
Suddenly, I was pushed back against the fridge with Jesse pressing against me. His hands now clutched at my hips gently but with obvious need as he plundered his tongue with mine.   
  
I felt him pressed against my tight stomach, the tightness a result of my body changing to eventually stretch and expand to accommodate my pregnancy. His hands began pulling my t-shirt up and soon it was over my head and thrown on the floor forgotten. My wet hair fell down my body, the wet strands touching my bared breasts making my nipples hard from the cold.   
  
His mouth was on mine again not letting me up for air. I don’t know why he wouldn’t let me break the kiss, it was like he was purposely seducing me so I wouldn’t go back to thinking about why this was not a good idea.   
  
“Querida,” He muttered against my lips before breaking away and kissing my neck, my collarbone, and all the way down until he reached my breasts. He pushed my wet hair out of the way and took my left nipple into his mouth, sucking it and making me moan in pleasure. My fingers clutched his hair of their own accord.   
  
Next thing I knew, I was picked up in Jesse’s arms, his hands clutching my butt to hold me. His lips met mine again as he began walking out of the kitchen. Soon he was laying me on the bed tenderly. He looked at me for a moment before crawling on top of me, his hands exploring everywhere he could. His fingers tickled against my stomach, making me tingle and tighten with anticipation for where they were headed. Desire pooled in my center, waiting for him to find.   
  
“You feel different,” he commented as he felt the muscles in my belly. They were tighter than he remembered, I knew. But I wasn’t about to elaborate on it.   
  
He captured my lips again after feeling me tense up at his comment. My brain had come back online for a second and my hesitations flickered in it on why we shouldn’t be doing this.   
  
I turned away from his kiss as her face flicked through my mind.   
  
“What are you doing, Jesse?” I asked in a light whisper.   
  
“Making love to my wife,” he replied, not catching on his male brain on sex as he nibbled my ear. “What else?”   
  
I pushed him away, making him frown in confusion. He tried to turn my head back to meet his gaze but when I did everything came back in full force and I began crying.   
  
He cursed in Spanish as I rolled over, exposing my back to him. He saw the bruises in their ugly glory.   
  
“How’d this happen?” he asked as he ran his fingers over them lightly.   
  
“I was thrown into my bumper.” I sobbed silently.   
  
“How dangerous are these ghosts? What do they want, Susannah?”

  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. A Heartbeat and Lava Lamp Blob

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susannah reveals a little bit about what the ghosts want and tells him her abilities won’t work on them. He knows she is hiding something but refuses to tell him.
> 
> Her mom comes to visit and Suze can finally enjoy some of her pregnancy with someone.

Chapter 7:Jesse’s POV

“How dangerous are these ghosts? What do they want, Susannah?” I asked. The bruises on her lower back had taken my breath away and had my heart stopping.

Susannah didn’t answer, just continued crying with her back to me.

“Susannah, tell me.” I urged in a gentle demand.

“What do you care?” Susannah snapped before rising from the bed. She went over to her closet. She disappeared for a second before coming out with a robe that she wrapped around her, hiding her beautiful body from my greedy gaze. “As you told me just a week and a half ago, you want nothing to do with ghosts or to help me with them so this is none of your business.”

“I don’t care what I said last week. Tell me.” I demanded, frustration flashing through me and out to my very stubborn estranged wife.

She glared at me for what felt like forever before her shoulders slumped, the fight gone from her instantly. I felt my eyebrows rise in surprise since Susannah was always ready to fight.

“Me,” she finally said as she sat on the bed giving me her back again.

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused.

“They want me dead.”

“And why haven’t you shifted them?”

“I’ve tried. It’s not working. They are immune to my powers or something. I tried that night I was nearly choked to death when I couldn’t free myself.” I shuddered as those memories surfaced.

“Then exorcise them.” I ordered, like she didn’t know she had this option but she did. She’d done it with Heather and the Diego’s several years ago.

She laughed darkly at my comment. “If my shifting didn’t work, exorcising them certainly won’t. They are essentially the same thing but one is more dangerous than the other.”

I huffed not liking that she didn’t have her abilities at full power. Maybe something was wrong with them, I thought as I studied her.

“Is something going on with your abilities?” I asked her.

I had moved to stand in front of her, leaning against the wall. I saw her open her mouth to say something and then shut it, a considering expression on her face. A series of emotions rushed through her. Worry, fear, fierce determination, and a wary look. The wary look was what settled on it as she met my eyes. Her eyes held something in them, something she wanted to tell me but held back.

“You suspect something is affecting your abilities. You can tell me, Susannah.” I supplied hoping to assure her that she could trust me. But that didn’t happen. Her expression switched back to fierce determination, no not determination, protectiveness over something. She was definitely hiding something from me.

“Yes, I suspect but I am not telling you a damn thing.” She replied strongly. That fight was back in her eyes. “You may be my husband still but I am not obligated to tell you a damn thing about my life since you obviously have chosen to not be a part of it.”

I opened my mouth to tell her otherwise but she continued.

“The couch is ready for you, Dr. De Silvia. I am tired and would like to lay down to go to sleep. I have had a rather trying day and I need as much rest as possible since I won’t be getting much with you waking me up every hour. Goodnight.” She effectively dismissed me, having gotten up and nudged me to the door of her room before shutting it in my face. I stood there dumbfounded and feeling hurt that she’d pushed me out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Suze’s POV:

The minute I shut the door I breathed in deeply to calm myself down. My body was still roaring with arousal from my momentary lapse in judgement. I was also reeling from the emotional turmoil I was feeling at that moment. I was angry, sad, sexually frustrated, and feeling very protective over myself and my little bean.

What he had asked had given me pause. Could my being pregnant have stopped my shifter abilities for the time being? It would make sense. When I shifted, I randomly fell unconscious and I left my body completely. I was a ghost when I did it. I was technically not there to provide for my baby.

I made a mental note to visit with Aunt Pru tomorrow for her to read me and to also research this in Dr. Slaski’s notes when Paul pulled them all out of wherever he kept them.

With this decided, I pulled on another t-shirt not wanting to go out for the one that had been tossed on the floor in the kitchen.

I climbed into bed and pulled the comforter over me, snuggling in and was asleep in minutes. I don’t really know what I dreamed of but it was strange and I was restless. Jesse came in every hour as expected and woke me up to make sure I didn’t have a concussion, which I didn’t as it turned out much to my relief. I was pretty sure my life expectancy wouldn’t be to a hundred. No, even before the Diego’s came back into my life I always thought I wouldn’t live to see anything above sixty.

The next morning, Jesse woke me up one last time telling me that he was leaving since he had to be at work. I thanked him groggily but went back to sleep. Every bone and bone inside me was sore. It felt like I’d had a building fall on top of me like when I’d first moved to California and exorcised Heather, a chick who’d committed suicide which had allowed me to be able to go to school at the Mission Academy, and how I’d met Jesse.

I slept the entire day, waking up around six in the evening, my stomach crying for food. I heated up my leftovers and devoured it like I hadn’t eaten in a week. I took my prenatal vitamins afterwards before going to the hall closet where I’d stashed my purchases last night. I had panicked slightly hoping Jesse wouldn’t recognize the name of the maternity store.

I unpacked it all and removed the tags and washed them so they’d be ready for when I needed them.

Then I went back to sleep to be ready for work tomorrow. As I was drifting back to sleep I started as I realized that I hadn’t had a bought of morning sickness that morning and I couldn’t help but be thankful.

But the morning sickness returned in force at it’s usual time the next day. I barely made it to the bathroom, not even making the toilet. Instead I made it to the sink.

The rest of the next two weeks went by without too much problems. No attacks other than ghostly pranks from the Diego’s since they couldn’t get me in my home, place of work, or my car. These were the only places I’d been traveling since then with the exception of Aunt Pru.

I’d gone to her after work on that Monday and asked her to read me. Pru kind of knew about my gifts because she was a medium of sorts, her craft in using tarot cards and the occasional insights that would randomly spring to her mind when she touched someone or was in their presence. Mostly it was around me that happened though.

That day she didn’t even need her deck to read me. The minute I entered her coffee shop, The Happy Medium, she pulled me into the back and sat me down.

“I see your question and it isn’t your condition that is blocking you from what you need done. The people out to harm you have found a way to be immune to it for the time being.” She had told me cryptically.

“Is there a way to get rid of them?” I had asked.

“You will find a way but it comes at a great price. Will you be willing to pay it?” She asked, not me but as if she was musing about it.

I had left a little shaken but felt a little hopeful that there was a way to send them back to hell.

This morning I was on my way to visit with my doctor. It’d been about a month since I’d last seen her. Last time I’d seen her she had said I was maybe four or five weeks. I’d read the book of what to expect but wasn’t fully sure where I was exactly and we needed to see it so I could start planning. If I was in week eight like I thought I was then I  dwould get to hear the heartbeat today.

I arrived at the office and started when I saw Jesse’s car. This office was specifically for OBGYN doctors and seeing his car there surprised me. My brain went off in all sorts of tangents.

Why was he there? Did he know about my pregnancy? Did my doctor break the doctor-patient confidentiality clause? If not why was he here? Did he have a patient? What if it wasn’t that? What if he got Rose pregnant?

I sat in my car a look of horror on my face as that last question flickered in my brain. If he had gotten her pregnant, oh God I didn’t know if I could handle that. I quickly texted my doctor, telling her I was running late before I reversed and left the parking lot to go wait at the coffee shop across the street. I sat at a table with a clear view of the building so I could see when he left. I ordered an herbal tea, one that would calm down my frazzled nerves.

My doctor texted back that she’d see me when I got here. I was apparently her last appointment for the day so she was free.

I waited for maybe about twenty minutes when he finally walked out, thankfully without Rose, and left. I waited several minutes to make sure he didn’t come back as I was parking.

Satisfied he wasn’t coming back at that moment I drove across the street and parked. I went in and signed in. I was called a few seconds later since my doctor was already waiting for me.

“Hello, Suze” Dr. Robbins greeted me with a warm smile when she walked into the examination room. “How have you been feeling?”

“Okay, I guess,” I replied with a shrug. My morning sickness got worse over the last several weeks. Still woke me up at four in the morning but it had started showing up at random times in the day also. I’d had to throw up at work a few times. Luckily, I hid it enough that nobody suspected, which is what I needed if I was going to protect my bean.

“Are you having bad morning sickness?” She asked.

I nodded and told her about it. We talked about my symptoms for several minutes and I told her I’d bought a couple books to guide me through it. I definitely wanted to keep track of it because I was making sure nobody knew. I was wearing a white blouse and black dress pants that were appropriate for work.

“Let’s take a look, shall we?”

I removed my clothes feeling comfortable in just my bra with a sheet covering me. It was still too early to start using the stomach version of the ultrasound so I again had to put my feet up in the stirrups and allow her to insert the wand into my vagina. It was an uncomfortable sensation every time.

She moved it around a bit before stopping and freezing the screen.

“Looks about right where you should be. Here’s your baby’s heartbeat.” She pointed at a little pulsing spot and I felt a happy smile break out on my face at seeing it. My little bean wasn’t so much a bean anymore. It wasn’t anything I could describe because it was not really any particular shape. She pointed out the head and the beginning of what was going to be it’s hands and legs.

I choked up a little and just sat there staring at the screen wishing I was sharing this with someone be it Jesse, my preferred choice, or my mother.

A few moments later she pulled the wand out of me and allowed me to clean myself up while she printed out the picture for me. I had three printed out one going to my mother when she came down to visit this weekend. She had called me two days ago wondering how I was doing and wanting know if I’d like some of her company.

I had been unable to say no, not really wanting to because I needed her if I was honest. I needed to share my joy with someone and I knew she was excited to be a grandmother. Though she already was one with Brad and Debbie’s triplets, they weren’t actually related to her so this was more exciting for her. I, her only daughter, was expecting my first child.

But I was worried about her safety. They couldn’t get to me at the moment but they could get to her. I was scared that they would use her against me.

For the billionth time I desperately wished Father Dom was still alive. He would make sure she was protected and would be helping me with every fiber of his being in finding a way to be rid of the Diego’s.

Dr. Robbins handed me the three copies and then asked the question I’d been dreading her asking. “So have you told Dr. De Silvia yet?”

“He hasn’t been exactly wanting to listen to anything I have to say since he demanded space.” I said, which was sort of true. But he had wanted me to tell him that night in my apartment what I was hiding but I chose not to. I felt a slight stab of guilt at not telling him but dashed it away because I was doing what I needed for me. I was protecting my baby.

Dr. Robbins shook her head, “I don’t know what is happening with that man. Why did he change on you so suddenly?”

“Apparently, it wasn’t sudden. It had been going on for about the time we conceived though he hadn’t actually broke our vows yet.” I confessed. “I don’t know what to do to be honest. I want him to be a part of this but I can’t let him because he’s tainted it already and I don’t need that pain to stress me further. I don’t want to lose my bean. I would never forgive him over it if I miscarried because of the heartache he’d be inflicting on me. At least keeping him at a distance will allow me to feel some measure of happiness about being pregnant.”

Dr. Robbins nodded her head in understanding, handing me a tissue because apparently I was crying.

“You do what you need, dear.” She said. “Go home, put your feet up, and relax. I will see you in the middle of next month since by then you’ll be around twelve weeks. You’ll be starting to enter into the second trimester at that time.”

“Where should I expect my due date to be?”

“I want to say somewhere in the middle to late January.”

I left her office that night and did exactly that. I was bundled up on my couch staring at the difference in the two ultrasound photos. Four weeks ago it had been a little bean and now it was a strange lava lamp like blob that was definitely bigger than it had been, which from my reading explained the strange cramping I’d been having. My body was beginning to expand by changing my hips to ready them for birth since I was a petite woman. My heart gushed with so much love for it.

I would be having a newborn in January, I thought with excitement. I couldn’t wait to meet him or her. I secretly wanted a girl and wondered what she’d look like. Would she have my hair or her daddy’s? I hope she got his eyes and skin tone with my lips and nose.

Excitement bubbled inside me and I truly felt happy at that moment as well as over the next few days. Nothing could burst my bubble, not the times I ran into Jesse and Rose at a few dinner spots when I felt like treating myself to a lovely to go meal, nor when I found the warnings from the Diego’s like the gruesome dead birds I’d find on my car in the morning that sent me to the rocks nearby to puke up my breakfast. They were always mutilated in some fashion and my body didn’t appreciate it one bit.

But I ignored it and went on with my day. Once the weekend came around I left work on that Friday excited to see my mother.

I tidied up the apartment as quickly as possible before I went and picked her up at the airport. She and Andy traveled a lot now and had a house here in California and one in Washington where they spent most of their time these days.

She was retired now and enjoying every bit of it. She liked to help Andy with his show. I squealed in delight when I saw her come out of the terminal and I ran to her and took her in my arms in a tight hug.

She laughed at my excitement, something that was not common for me to show to her since I was more reserved with my emotions.

“Well I can see your hormones are all sorts of making you different,” she laughed as she squeezed me.

I let go of her with an answering laugh. “Yeah, I really hate this loss of control on my tear ducts. You know how much I hate crying.”

“Oh Suzie,” she said with sorrow thinking I was referring to Jesse. Though he was a main reason I cried a lot, he wasn’t the only thing. I had found myself crying at the strangest things now. For instance, last night I cried because I had been watching Iron Chef of America and one of the dishes had looked and sounded so good that I cried because I couldn’t magically make it appear into my hands.

“I’m fine, mom,” I assured her. “I’ve been more happy of late. I’m getting super excited over growing my bean.”

Mom beamed at me and patted my still flat but tight belly. We drove back to Carmel, stopping at my favorite restaurant near home and had a fabulous dinner.

We talked about what was happening in her life and I told her how work was going. None of us broached the subject about Jesse since she didn’t want to upset me and frankly I didn’t want to talk about him anyway.

We talked about the baby and my current symptoms. I complained about my aggressive morning sickness and she talked about how she had been just as bad.

But I shut up immediately as Jesse walked in with Rose. Instantly, my good mood was shattered and I felt myself putting up my walls, the ones I had let down with my mother.

She saw the change in me instantly and looked behind her to see what had done it but she didn’t need to, already knew who had walked in. She glared at the blonde woman beside him and he startled at seeing us sitting there.

“I think I’ve lost my appetite, mom.” I said feeling bile rising in my throat. She took one look at my face and was up and at my side in a second. I quickly pulled out eighty dollars out of my purse and put it on the table. I didn’t know what our bill was but that I knew would cover it plus the tip. I didn’t care that I was giving the waiter a big one if it meant we could leave quickly without waiting.

“Mrs. Ackerman,” Jesse smiled warmly at us as he approached, by himself thankfully. Rose apparently had gone somewhere else, probably to their table or maybe the bathroom. “How lovely to see you. Had I known you were in town I would’ve made a lunch date for us.”

“I don’t need a lunch date with you,” she said in a unfriendly tone.

His smile dropped at the anger he sensed in my mother and looked at me with hurt that I had told my mother. What did he expect? For me to keep it quiet until he got whatever this was out of his system, if he even did get it out? I don’t think so. My answering look told him as much and he sighed.

“I’m sorry for the hurt I’ve caused Susannah, I truly am Mrs. Ackerman. I have no excuse for it and I should have gone about it in a better way than I did. For that I apologize.” He said.

We both just shook our heads and walked away, me tugging on her because I was about to hurl. Part of me entertained the idea of doing it on him but then I would get the doctor side of him wondering what had caused it and I didn’t really want him doctoring me.

We left, not saying anything else to him. The minute we were outside I took in the fresh air using it to steady myself and settle my stomach. I didn’t want to throw up in public.

“Are you okay?” my mother asked.

“Yeah, let’s go. I have some ultrasounds to show you.” I smiled. She bubbled with excitement and it restored some of my mood as we got into the car and drove home.

The weekend had been fun, filled with much needed girl time. My mother and I sat in front of the TV watching any and every chick flick that brought on a good tear fest. It felt good to cry at these movies and tell mom about anything and everything, minus the ghosts of course. We barely left the apartment other than to go shopping. Mom bought me more baby things after I showed her the crib and bedroom set for the nursery. She bought me a matching changing station and pictures with cute sayings.

She loved my vision for the nursery and was happy to help in some of the planning.

“Are you going to move back into the house?” she asked at one point since I had no room in the apartment for the nursery.

“I don’t know to be honest,” I admitted. “I think I want to move into a different place. There are too many memories there and I don’t want to feel depressed.”

“Are you thinking of selling it?”

“No, but I may give up this apartment and find something else. Maybe I’ll rent a bigger one in a nicer neighborhood.” I said, considering it.

“Why don’t we go look around, Andy and I can get you a good deal.” She suggested.

“Sure,” and we were off on that Sunday looking at apartments and condos. I fell in love with one that had a great view of the beach. My mom put the down payment down immediately saying for me to keep my savings and to accept this as a gift from her and Andy.

I cried and hugged her. She loved me so much and I’d never felt so grateful to have her as my mom. After the down payment was made I drove her back to the airport and said goodbye.

I’d be doing some more shopping over the next several days and moving things from the apartment over. I wasn’t set to move in for at least two weeks until everything was finalized.

That gave me plenty of time to shop and choose how I wanted the condo to look. It was within ten minutes of work and five minutes to the hospital. I didn’t really like being closer to Jesse’s work but it was where I was going to give birth so I was begrudgingly okay with it.

 

I also had officially drawn up the divorce documents after talking to a lawyer one day after work. I told her exactly what I needed including the equal custody agreement between Jesse and I after the first few months of the infant needing to be with me for breastfeeding. I wouldn’t try to keep the baby from him. Despite our issues regarding his fidelity I wasn’t going to be a spiteful bitch.

 

I wasn’t going to serve them to him yet however, wanting to wait due to my ghost problem. I also had my will made in the event I died during this fight.

 

Aunt Pru’s warning about a price I had to pay to win against the Diego’s gave me a sense of foreboding. I had a feeling the price was most likely my life. I was okay with that if it meant my baby and loved ones were safe.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> May change the title later. Haven't decided yet. Anyways, this is a work in progress. I know some of it is out of Jesse's character and will still keep to as much of him as possible but also know that he has to learn what he wants and is also able to make mistakes. 
> 
> Susannah is going to have an interesting pregnancy and time of ghost busting.


End file.
